I've been thinking a lot about this this week. This month I am returning to Oregon as a speaker at the 30th anniversary of the national Wilderness Risk Management Conference. Thirty eight years ago the school mountaineering accident on Mt. Hood that I survived and which took the lives of nine students and teachers created a sea change in that field. Being invited to return there now to speak into my life from then -- an arc of embraced resilience -- is a deliberate step into that thin space, bringing story, reconnecting with friends and rescuers, inviting the likely possibility of some pain and also the sure certainty of care, creativity, connection. The living story of a survivor who still loves is where resilience and love are meeting. This is the pain that we can be grateful to be able to step into.
I was a teacher in a nearby school then and our hearts broke with you. Your story changed us and shaped our school forever. Thank you so much for sharing and for going to this conference.
Thank you, really and truly. The caring we were held in then and since made all the difference. I can't say how much. You're making me cry right now. In the good way. Love, Lorca
I am home after that week in Portland, and it was amazing -- everything I might want it to be and more. And mind and body and heart feel as they do when I come down off a difficult and successful climb. Sore and happy and a little raw and dazed and it's a little difficult to re-enter into my lived world in the valleys. A little overwhelm. It's a very body-centered experience. Needs a little recovery time and work and care. And fascinated to see what this newly experienced and strengthened body decides what it wants to try next.
I’m itching to explore neurodiversity thread on my mom’s side - cleaving through my mom, me, my kids, my sibs, my sibs kids - but wholly unexamined by my vast maternal relatives; on dad’s side the grief/shame of my grandmother’s adoption (I recently came upon her original birth certificate from 1920’s. No father referenced - an immaculate conception?) and her adopted mother’s death when she was only 10.
Wow, sending you strength and love for these journeys. So important. It's interesting that on both fronts--neurodiversity and adoption, our public dialogue has progressed SO MUCH on both.
When I was in graduate school many years ago, one of my courses was systems theory family therapy. Its exercises required me to delve deeply into my own family of origin and its history, interviewing who was still alive, charting transgenerational ‘issues’…it was a revelation and a deeply troubling course for me. I believe I am still mining the experience for what it offers me.
You are wise. There is much to be learned from our families with their hidden and obvious patterns. I much appreciate your words today as they inspire me to see that my healing work is not complete and there is still time. 💗
Thank you for sharing, Karen. It does feel like a lifetime of work, doesn’t it? The family systems stuff really interest me but I’ve never studied it. Do you have a favorite book?
Virginia Satir’s work is amazing. She had so many things to say and love was her language. I honestly fell in love with her when I studied family therapy.
“I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt, criticize you without blaming, and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”
My sister and brother and I have created a family press so that we can share these stories with our kin and friends and anyone else who might be held in their power. Observing the often-told and the never-told (but felt) stories emerging in us and our children and grandchildren has been a way to deeper connections with each other and with ourselves. We ARE our ancestors, we're made from them and their dreams and their truths, here to take our lineage on the annual solar journeys we call years, and then pass the torch. I loved this piece--so inspiring and encouraging and vulnerable and kind. Thank you.
Sticks and Stones Press is our self-publishing "company". We worked with an amazing book doula (https://www.erindonley.com/ghostwriting.html) to get my sister's first book of poetry into the world (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/75557783-amuse-bouche) and we are all working on various projects pertaining to our family history and family stories and family music...for ourselves, but also because if we can do this, any family can claim their stories and claim the healing that comes from sharing this way. That's what I took from your post...and in other magical connections, we (my kin and the book doula) also belong to the Irish / Celtic diaspora.
This brief letter moved me to tears, so I'm enormously grateful to Courtney for finding and sharing it. Now I'll show it to my own grandchildren. Thank you for all of these eloquent words of wisdom. DD
Our family has started a tradition of learning about our ancestors in late October leading up to All Souls’ Day. It’s added a beautiful element to the Halloween season and moves me each year as we pull out pictures and tell stories about relatives that my kids have never met. I’ve been particularly excited to learn more about my grandmas & their mothers. ✨✨
I am the family historian. In fact, if money were no object, I’d be a professional genealogist. When I was a senior in college, we had to do a big final project. Despite the fact that I was an English major, I chose a research paper/project on my grandfather, who was essentially orphaned (even though his mother was definitely still alive) and found him an entire HUGE family that he had no idea about, and they had no idea he existed. For the last 15 years of his life, he had cousins, and one in particular kept in close contact with him. I have never been more proud of something in my entire life. I feel like my role in this life is “connector.” I connect people and information, and often other people come with that information.
All that being said, what Karen said about family systems therapy is spot on. You have to do a family map, and it’s both enlightening and can be quite depressing, once you see the generational trauma that JUST. KEEPS. HAPPENING. During my foray into MFT (marriage & family therapy), I learned so much, but it was not to be my path. 12 years later, and I’ll be finishing up my master’s in Organizational Leadership in June, which I started in April of 2021.
The letter your grandmother wrote you is truly priceless, and I’m so glad you now have a digital copy of it. What a gift.
I've been thinking a lot about this this week. This month I am returning to Oregon as a speaker at the 30th anniversary of the national Wilderness Risk Management Conference. Thirty eight years ago the school mountaineering accident on Mt. Hood that I survived and which took the lives of nine students and teachers created a sea change in that field. Being invited to return there now to speak into my life from then -- an arc of embraced resilience -- is a deliberate step into that thin space, bringing story, reconnecting with friends and rescuers, inviting the likely possibility of some pain and also the sure certainty of care, creativity, connection. The living story of a survivor who still loves is where resilience and love are meeting. This is the pain that we can be grateful to be able to step into.
Wow Lorca, sounds really powerful. Sending you strength for this important return.
I was a teacher in a nearby school then and our hearts broke with you. Your story changed us and shaped our school forever. Thank you so much for sharing and for going to this conference.
Thank you, really and truly. The caring we were held in then and since made all the difference. I can't say how much. You're making me cry right now. In the good way. Love, Lorca
I am home after that week in Portland, and it was amazing -- everything I might want it to be and more. And mind and body and heart feel as they do when I come down off a difficult and successful climb. Sore and happy and a little raw and dazed and it's a little difficult to re-enter into my lived world in the valleys. A little overwhelm. It's a very body-centered experience. Needs a little recovery time and work and care. And fascinated to see what this newly experienced and strengthened body decides what it wants to try next.
I’m itching to explore neurodiversity thread on my mom’s side - cleaving through my mom, me, my kids, my sibs, my sibs kids - but wholly unexamined by my vast maternal relatives; on dad’s side the grief/shame of my grandmother’s adoption (I recently came upon her original birth certificate from 1920’s. No father referenced - an immaculate conception?) and her adopted mother’s death when she was only 10.
Wow, sending you strength and love for these journeys. So important. It's interesting that on both fronts--neurodiversity and adoption, our public dialogue has progressed SO MUCH on both.
When I was in graduate school many years ago, one of my courses was systems theory family therapy. Its exercises required me to delve deeply into my own family of origin and its history, interviewing who was still alive, charting transgenerational ‘issues’…it was a revelation and a deeply troubling course for me. I believe I am still mining the experience for what it offers me.
You are wise. There is much to be learned from our families with their hidden and obvious patterns. I much appreciate your words today as they inspire me to see that my healing work is not complete and there is still time. 💗
Thank you for sharing, Karen. It does feel like a lifetime of work, doesn’t it? The family systems stuff really interest me but I’ve never studied it. Do you have a favorite book?
Virginia Satir was on the frontier back in the day. You would like her work I think.
Virginia Satir’s work is amazing. She had so many things to say and love was her language. I honestly fell in love with her when I studied family therapy.
“I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt, criticize you without blaming, and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”
My sister and brother and I have created a family press so that we can share these stories with our kin and friends and anyone else who might be held in their power. Observing the often-told and the never-told (but felt) stories emerging in us and our children and grandchildren has been a way to deeper connections with each other and with ourselves. We ARE our ancestors, we're made from them and their dreams and their truths, here to take our lineage on the annual solar journeys we call years, and then pass the torch. I loved this piece--so inspiring and encouraging and vulnerable and kind. Thank you.
Can you teach us more about "a family press"? What does that mean?
Sticks and Stones Press is our self-publishing "company". We worked with an amazing book doula (https://www.erindonley.com/ghostwriting.html) to get my sister's first book of poetry into the world (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/75557783-amuse-bouche) and we are all working on various projects pertaining to our family history and family stories and family music...for ourselves, but also because if we can do this, any family can claim their stories and claim the healing that comes from sharing this way. That's what I took from your post...and in other magical connections, we (my kin and the book doula) also belong to the Irish / Celtic diaspora.
This brief letter moved me to tears, so I'm enormously grateful to Courtney for finding and sharing it. Now I'll show it to my own grandchildren. Thank you for all of these eloquent words of wisdom. DD
Our family has started a tradition of learning about our ancestors in late October leading up to All Souls’ Day. It’s added a beautiful element to the Halloween season and moves me each year as we pull out pictures and tell stories about relatives that my kids have never met. I’ve been particularly excited to learn more about my grandmas & their mothers. ✨✨
I am the family historian. In fact, if money were no object, I’d be a professional genealogist. When I was a senior in college, we had to do a big final project. Despite the fact that I was an English major, I chose a research paper/project on my grandfather, who was essentially orphaned (even though his mother was definitely still alive) and found him an entire HUGE family that he had no idea about, and they had no idea he existed. For the last 15 years of his life, he had cousins, and one in particular kept in close contact with him. I have never been more proud of something in my entire life. I feel like my role in this life is “connector.” I connect people and information, and often other people come with that information.
All that being said, what Karen said about family systems therapy is spot on. You have to do a family map, and it’s both enlightening and can be quite depressing, once you see the generational trauma that JUST. KEEPS. HAPPENING. During my foray into MFT (marriage & family therapy), I learned so much, but it was not to be my path. 12 years later, and I’ll be finishing up my master’s in Organizational Leadership in June, which I started in April of 2021.
The letter your grandmother wrote you is truly priceless, and I’m so glad you now have a digital copy of it. What a gift.