For most of my career I was on an academic calendar, so I had a built-in switch up in how I spent my time.
But, like Leslie, I used the time for projects, some very clearly related to my work and others not.
Taking downtime to do just as I pleased has never been natural for me, particularly with three children.
My first was born when I was 32, my last graduated from high school and went to college when I was 62, by which time my middle one was back. And now a grandson.
I do like the weekly sabbath day sort of idea and have not given up on making it happen.
Such amazing time - this advice fits well for people taking short-term medical leave too. I am within a week of taking a month long FMLA leave due burnout/exhaustion. My doctor and therapist have been strongly advising it but I have resisted - "but I can't....who will do my work?" I am a finance head in a small state agency. I've told my boss and HR I'm running on fumes for months but they continue to not hear/care for my health needs. The final nudge came from the EAP counselor for managers who strongly encouraged me to take the leave too, saying I need to take my mental and physical health needs seriously versus worrying about the organization. I have two amazing neurodiverse kids, one of whom was diagnosed this spring at 16 yo. I know I'm likely on the spectrum too - and everything I read about autistic burnout resonates deeply. I am going to take the time - to rest, take long walks, putter in the yard, meet for coffee with wise people in my orbit, etc. Reading "Rest Is Resistance" by Tricia Hersey this spring started me on the journey. So thankful.
Melissa! I am so so happy for you, both because you are taking this leave and because you clearly have some people in your corner who are really looking out for you. This also makes me wonder - how can we build workplaces where all people don't burn out, including those who are neurodiverse and disabled and all the other things that basically, at some point, 100% of us are?! Rest well. Someone yesterday also recommended Slowing Down to the Speed of Life to me. Also have you read Wintering? Might be a great read or listen for you during this time.
Thanks for sharing this with us now, Courtney. I totally needed to read your words. I'm considering taking a chunk of time off in the late winter/early spring, and my wife already warned me that it should not be a "to-do list" moment if I intend to rest and recover on any level. I'm relieved, in a way, to know that it's not just me who does that, but I'm troubled with what that says about us as a society. I'm not sure how I'll manage that time for myself, but you've given me a lot of things to consider.
During my sabbatical in 2018 I decided to learn things that had nothing to do with the work that I do for money. I began taking piano lessons and improv comedy classes. Both continue to enrich my life even after I retired.
All great advice and I agree with them especially if your sabbatical is on the short side (2 months is a long time but it's also a little longer than the usual annual leave for some European countries).
The best thing for a longer sabbatical is the headspace you can get in, that is no way achievable when you know that the end of the holiday/weekend is marked on the calendar. I know how privileged I am to have this and my main takeaway is that "there is enough time". Time for long lost hobbies, for cooking, lounging etc. Not pressuring myself for anything and yet having the discipline to get things done has been the main lesson. I hope it doesn't sound condescending but if you have the financial/logistical means, do it immediately, take that break.
Do not delude yourself that you are irreplaceable or essential at your workplace.
I took my time with this but I think I finally came to an answer. My sabbatical was primarily an exercise in patience. I learned that the best way to operate (for me) is from a place of abundance, real or imaginary. It's easy to move in the world when you have a lot of money or time or mental bandwidth, but to make decisions every day as if you have these things when you actually don't is very hard. Let's say you want to do a career switch and you are 40 years old (not 25), you need to be thinking as if you are 25 to make the right decision. Oliver Brukeman's Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals is good starting point if you want to change your mind about productivity and time in general.
It feels good and validating to know that from your sabbatical you learned some things and are still working on others. I took an “accidental sabbatical” that I wrote about here (inspired by Abby’s piece referenced above). I’d love it if you have a moment to read it!
I took a "leave of absence" from my corporate job spring of '22. It had been on my radar for a while, but came to a head when my manager and I were...at an impasse, to put it extremely gently. I was told to use the time to find a new gig.... I ultimately officially quit that job in September.
In the "time off", starting with the LOA, I was busy -- I got married, moved out of a house I lived in for 17 years, set up a new house, remodeled the old one to rent it, prepared my daughter for a new school, navigated her through her first broken bone and losing baby teeth, and managed multiple inconsistent contractors. Plus day-to-day life. And oh yeah, finding myself and my next gig.
January of 2023 found me stressed from a lack of cash, still unrented houses, and guilt from spending over the holidays. And added guilt of what a privileged position I've been in to have even been able to quit my job, own multiple houses, and still spend on Christmas. (I'm very aware and very grateful for how great I do have it.) So I pivoted and refocused on getting back to earning income.
By spring I thought I had found my new calling. I took classes, got out of my comfort zone, joined an accountability group (I highly recommend these, no matter the purpose or topic), pitched myself as a freelancer, built my portfolio, and even landed my first paying client. At the start of the summer, I thought I had turned the corner.
By end of summer and now in late September, I feel back where I was 18 months ago. The 1-year anniversary of my official resignation came and went last week, and all I could think was -- look at all I did. And look how far I haven't gotten.
This article, @Courtney, reminded me and affirmed what I still need to do, in whatever capacity I can afford. I feel best when I "go with the flow", go with whatever mood I'm in. And I usually do feel productive in something, because when it's naturally driven, I usually accomplish the most. But I feel guilty for doing that.
While I do think as a society we put too much pressure on goals and drive and how stuff "should" be, I also think goals, even small ones, bring focus. I'm big on Lean-Agile principles that ask, "what are you gonna do, *today*?". Yet when I set expectations or goals, especially in the prime "me time" window of when my daughter is at school, that's usually when something goes awry -- the property manager calls with a problem, my back hurts too much to sit in a crappy chair and try to write, or I'm past due on any of life's other demands. And then the pressure snowballs into a tizzy of meltdown, when I crumble, and do neither my goals or the demands.
I'll make snarky comments to my patient husband that I have no control, that I selfishly and spoiled-ly wanna just do what I want. How you, @Courtney, constructed and disciplined your sabbatical was extremely helpful to read. It validated this feeling I've had and defined the realization that I did take time off, but I did not take a sabbatical. I did not pause and explore in a true wandering way, and that i still need to in someway, so that I can *really* turn the corner to the new, better, healthier next phase of life.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure so many people relate. And, FWIW, I'm exhausted just reading about all the transition you've been weathering. Congrats on creating a life you know you can love, and still having the wisdom to know you need some genuinely restorative time. This might be a helpful listen: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/19/opinion/ezra-klein-podcast-pooja-lakshmin.html
Whatever Audre Lorde wrote inspires me, so this is the perfect opening to another brilliant essay about caring for oneself and then as Courtney relates it to sabbaticals.
Lorde's books, "Sister Outsider" and "The Collected Poems" sustain me and my (lesbian)granddaughter, Mia, as few other writings can. As a follow-up to this one, I like Lorde's comment: "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."
So I believe that sabbaticals might be viewed as a quest for self-definition. As in Rabbi Hillel's classic axiom, "If I am not for me, who will be for me? And when I for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?" (Pirkei Avot 1,14). Sabbaticals may serve as a time to pause for reflection, both to pursue self-realization and discover the vital connections among us all.
This awesome photo of the forest is incredibly similar to the tall conifers in the woods nearby that might be explored during sabbaticals to enhance our harmony with Nature. Japanese studies about "forest bathing", meaning the absorption of health giving properties from being amidst these magnificent trees, strolling on paths, for instance, that Portland's Washington Park provides. Wherever such forests can be found, they provide a restorative way to spend part of a sabbatical. Courtney and family visited Portland so they know what I mean.
I've been incredibly fortunate to have had 4 sabbaticals during my tenure of 40 years at Barnard. The most memorable were spent in India, doing research, in London at archives, and best of all, being a nanny for two of my granddaughters. Courtney was kind enough to print a memoir that I wrote for her a few years ago about my weird way of caring for kids.
The point is that this could give an aging grandfather pure FUN. Sorry, but searching for the right quotes in dusty archives, or agonizing over choosing the perfect sentences for a book, definitely wasn't as enjoyable. Obviously, caring for my terrible two's or three's and four's, wasn't pleasant all the time, nor meant for everybody. I get it, just as I understand Lorde's comment, "I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own."
Yet, as I reflect on caring for Mia and Sierra now, many years later, as the girls are in college and after, I appreciate being granted this truly unique opportunity. Treasure children like Maya and Stella! Just as Courtney knows and relates in countless columns.
Is this a recommendation for every sabbatical? Of course not, only one to consider as moments not to be missed in some sabbaticals-- maybe later, but however, wherever, whenever you can find it. Good luck! DD
When I read this, I get kinda nervy-scared in the way that feels like it’s really a “please do this” from my heart/soul/body whatnot. The one piece that feels like a stop for me that’s NOT related to that fear is the family piece. I’ve got 2 tweens and a husband and I feel like I would struggle so hard to do most of this right in front of them. Because many of my work routines and productivity habits are intertwined with our family routine, and because I don’t know how to ever just “sit down” in front of them. I’d love to hear from anyone about how to navigate that piece!
For most of my career I was on an academic calendar, so I had a built-in switch up in how I spent my time.
But, like Leslie, I used the time for projects, some very clearly related to my work and others not.
Taking downtime to do just as I pleased has never been natural for me, particularly with three children.
My first was born when I was 32, my last graduated from high school and went to college when I was 62, by which time my middle one was back. And now a grandson.
I do like the weekly sabbath day sort of idea and have not given up on making it happen.
Such amazing time - this advice fits well for people taking short-term medical leave too. I am within a week of taking a month long FMLA leave due burnout/exhaustion. My doctor and therapist have been strongly advising it but I have resisted - "but I can't....who will do my work?" I am a finance head in a small state agency. I've told my boss and HR I'm running on fumes for months but they continue to not hear/care for my health needs. The final nudge came from the EAP counselor for managers who strongly encouraged me to take the leave too, saying I need to take my mental and physical health needs seriously versus worrying about the organization. I have two amazing neurodiverse kids, one of whom was diagnosed this spring at 16 yo. I know I'm likely on the spectrum too - and everything I read about autistic burnout resonates deeply. I am going to take the time - to rest, take long walks, putter in the yard, meet for coffee with wise people in my orbit, etc. Reading "Rest Is Resistance" by Tricia Hersey this spring started me on the journey. So thankful.
Melissa! I am so so happy for you, both because you are taking this leave and because you clearly have some people in your corner who are really looking out for you. This also makes me wonder - how can we build workplaces where all people don't burn out, including those who are neurodiverse and disabled and all the other things that basically, at some point, 100% of us are?! Rest well. Someone yesterday also recommended Slowing Down to the Speed of Life to me. Also have you read Wintering? Might be a great read or listen for you during this time.
Thanks for sharing this with us now, Courtney. I totally needed to read your words. I'm considering taking a chunk of time off in the late winter/early spring, and my wife already warned me that it should not be a "to-do list" moment if I intend to rest and recover on any level. I'm relieved, in a way, to know that it's not just me who does that, but I'm troubled with what that says about us as a society. I'm not sure how I'll manage that time for myself, but you've given me a lot of things to consider.
I sure hope you get it!
During my sabbatical in 2018 I decided to learn things that had nothing to do with the work that I do for money. I began taking piano lessons and improv comedy classes. Both continue to enrich my life even after I retired.
Such a cool idea!
I love this. So many good lessons and observations. Thank you!
All great advice and I agree with them especially if your sabbatical is on the short side (2 months is a long time but it's also a little longer than the usual annual leave for some European countries).
The best thing for a longer sabbatical is the headspace you can get in, that is no way achievable when you know that the end of the holiday/weekend is marked on the calendar. I know how privileged I am to have this and my main takeaway is that "there is enough time". Time for long lost hobbies, for cooking, lounging etc. Not pressuring myself for anything and yet having the discipline to get things done has been the main lesson. I hope it doesn't sound condescending but if you have the financial/logistical means, do it immediately, take that break.
Do not delude yourself that you are irreplaceable or essential at your workplace.
Elena! Say more about this, please. I think so many of need to learn from you on it.
"Not pressuring myself for anything and yet having the discipline to get things done has been the main lesson."
I took my time with this but I think I finally came to an answer. My sabbatical was primarily an exercise in patience. I learned that the best way to operate (for me) is from a place of abundance, real or imaginary. It's easy to move in the world when you have a lot of money or time or mental bandwidth, but to make decisions every day as if you have these things when you actually don't is very hard. Let's say you want to do a career switch and you are 40 years old (not 25), you need to be thinking as if you are 25 to make the right decision. Oliver Brukeman's Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals is good starting point if you want to change your mind about productivity and time in general.
It feels good and validating to know that from your sabbatical you learned some things and are still working on others. I took an “accidental sabbatical” that I wrote about here (inspired by Abby’s piece referenced above). I’d love it if you have a moment to read it!
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/accidental-sabbatical-becca-katz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via
I took a "leave of absence" from my corporate job spring of '22. It had been on my radar for a while, but came to a head when my manager and I were...at an impasse, to put it extremely gently. I was told to use the time to find a new gig.... I ultimately officially quit that job in September.
In the "time off", starting with the LOA, I was busy -- I got married, moved out of a house I lived in for 17 years, set up a new house, remodeled the old one to rent it, prepared my daughter for a new school, navigated her through her first broken bone and losing baby teeth, and managed multiple inconsistent contractors. Plus day-to-day life. And oh yeah, finding myself and my next gig.
January of 2023 found me stressed from a lack of cash, still unrented houses, and guilt from spending over the holidays. And added guilt of what a privileged position I've been in to have even been able to quit my job, own multiple houses, and still spend on Christmas. (I'm very aware and very grateful for how great I do have it.) So I pivoted and refocused on getting back to earning income.
By spring I thought I had found my new calling. I took classes, got out of my comfort zone, joined an accountability group (I highly recommend these, no matter the purpose or topic), pitched myself as a freelancer, built my portfolio, and even landed my first paying client. At the start of the summer, I thought I had turned the corner.
By end of summer and now in late September, I feel back where I was 18 months ago. The 1-year anniversary of my official resignation came and went last week, and all I could think was -- look at all I did. And look how far I haven't gotten.
This article, @Courtney, reminded me and affirmed what I still need to do, in whatever capacity I can afford. I feel best when I "go with the flow", go with whatever mood I'm in. And I usually do feel productive in something, because when it's naturally driven, I usually accomplish the most. But I feel guilty for doing that.
While I do think as a society we put too much pressure on goals and drive and how stuff "should" be, I also think goals, even small ones, bring focus. I'm big on Lean-Agile principles that ask, "what are you gonna do, *today*?". Yet when I set expectations or goals, especially in the prime "me time" window of when my daughter is at school, that's usually when something goes awry -- the property manager calls with a problem, my back hurts too much to sit in a crappy chair and try to write, or I'm past due on any of life's other demands. And then the pressure snowballs into a tizzy of meltdown, when I crumble, and do neither my goals or the demands.
I'll make snarky comments to my patient husband that I have no control, that I selfishly and spoiled-ly wanna just do what I want. How you, @Courtney, constructed and disciplined your sabbatical was extremely helpful to read. It validated this feeling I've had and defined the realization that I did take time off, but I did not take a sabbatical. I did not pause and explore in a true wandering way, and that i still need to in someway, so that I can *really* turn the corner to the new, better, healthier next phase of life.
Thank you so much for this.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure so many people relate. And, FWIW, I'm exhausted just reading about all the transition you've been weathering. Congrats on creating a life you know you can love, and still having the wisdom to know you need some genuinely restorative time. This might be a helpful listen: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/19/opinion/ezra-klein-podcast-pooja-lakshmin.html
Thank you so much. I will definitely check out the link you shared.
I'm glad you're nourishing your soul Courtney. Something's got to refill your well, if you're going to keep drawing from it.
Whatever Audre Lorde wrote inspires me, so this is the perfect opening to another brilliant essay about caring for oneself and then as Courtney relates it to sabbaticals.
Lorde's books, "Sister Outsider" and "The Collected Poems" sustain me and my (lesbian)granddaughter, Mia, as few other writings can. As a follow-up to this one, I like Lorde's comment: "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."
So I believe that sabbaticals might be viewed as a quest for self-definition. As in Rabbi Hillel's classic axiom, "If I am not for me, who will be for me? And when I for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?" (Pirkei Avot 1,14). Sabbaticals may serve as a time to pause for reflection, both to pursue self-realization and discover the vital connections among us all.
This awesome photo of the forest is incredibly similar to the tall conifers in the woods nearby that might be explored during sabbaticals to enhance our harmony with Nature. Japanese studies about "forest bathing", meaning the absorption of health giving properties from being amidst these magnificent trees, strolling on paths, for instance, that Portland's Washington Park provides. Wherever such forests can be found, they provide a restorative way to spend part of a sabbatical. Courtney and family visited Portland so they know what I mean.
I've been incredibly fortunate to have had 4 sabbaticals during my tenure of 40 years at Barnard. The most memorable were spent in India, doing research, in London at archives, and best of all, being a nanny for two of my granddaughters. Courtney was kind enough to print a memoir that I wrote for her a few years ago about my weird way of caring for kids.
The point is that this could give an aging grandfather pure FUN. Sorry, but searching for the right quotes in dusty archives, or agonizing over choosing the perfect sentences for a book, definitely wasn't as enjoyable. Obviously, caring for my terrible two's or three's and four's, wasn't pleasant all the time, nor meant for everybody. I get it, just as I understand Lorde's comment, "I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own."
Yet, as I reflect on caring for Mia and Sierra now, many years later, as the girls are in college and after, I appreciate being granted this truly unique opportunity. Treasure children like Maya and Stella! Just as Courtney knows and relates in countless columns.
Is this a recommendation for every sabbatical? Of course not, only one to consider as moments not to be missed in some sabbaticals-- maybe later, but however, wherever, whenever you can find it. Good luck! DD
When I read this, I get kinda nervy-scared in the way that feels like it’s really a “please do this” from my heart/soul/body whatnot. The one piece that feels like a stop for me that’s NOT related to that fear is the family piece. I’ve got 2 tweens and a husband and I feel like I would struggle so hard to do most of this right in front of them. Because many of my work routines and productivity habits are intertwined with our family routine, and because I don’t know how to ever just “sit down” in front of them. I’d love to hear from anyone about how to navigate that piece!