I'm so glad you asked, because it forces me to think beyond my observation. How, indeed? I have long been a self-proclaimed proponent of the "crappy dinner party," but have I ever hosted one? No. The conditioning runs super deep. I think maybe one way of getting over the hurdle is to really examine the whole complex process at a very gra…
I'm so glad you asked, because it forces me to think beyond my observation. How, indeed? I have long been a self-proclaimed proponent of the "crappy dinner party," but have I ever hosted one? No. The conditioning runs super deep. I think maybe one way of getting over the hurdle is to really examine the whole complex process at a very granular level, because there are so many tributaries that feed the river. Like: not planning is great, but isn't it so nice to have nice food to gather around? I'm conflicted. Not cleaning perfectly is a relief, but isn't it always so much nicer to be in a perfectly clear, clutter-free space? I feel that way even when nobody is coming over. I relax better. So how, exactly, to put the "crappy" into the "crappy dinner party" in a way that feels like a relief rather than an over-correction?
On the other hand (the black hole of conditioning), I know there's a huge background of shame/guilt over an "imperfect" house that is part of the reason I relax better when it's clean. It's not so much an objective situation as it is (at least partially) a "see, you're a good person" feeling that accompanies clutter-free cleanliness. So the situation is fundamentally polluted, which requires remediation, which is (I think) what would get at least one leg partially over that hurdle.
I'm so glad you asked, because it forces me to think beyond my observation. How, indeed? I have long been a self-proclaimed proponent of the "crappy dinner party," but have I ever hosted one? No. The conditioning runs super deep. I think maybe one way of getting over the hurdle is to really examine the whole complex process at a very granular level, because there are so many tributaries that feed the river. Like: not planning is great, but isn't it so nice to have nice food to gather around? I'm conflicted. Not cleaning perfectly is a relief, but isn't it always so much nicer to be in a perfectly clear, clutter-free space? I feel that way even when nobody is coming over. I relax better. So how, exactly, to put the "crappy" into the "crappy dinner party" in a way that feels like a relief rather than an over-correction?
On the other hand (the black hole of conditioning), I know there's a huge background of shame/guilt over an "imperfect" house that is part of the reason I relax better when it's clean. It's not so much an objective situation as it is (at least partially) a "see, you're a good person" feeling that accompanies clutter-free cleanliness. So the situation is fundamentally polluted, which requires remediation, which is (I think) what would get at least one leg partially over that hurdle.