I am grateful in my life to be connected more than I ever been before. As I approach my late 60s, I am a Jesus follower, white woman, born into privilege, a member of the sandwich generation...and I am waking up.
I am blessed to live near my elderly mother and mother-in-law. They are both struggling in their early 90s. One is strong of mind but challenged by arthritis. The other is strong of body, but losing her memory. They make me wonder what I want my healthcare to provide for me as I age. Modern medicine is helping them borrow time, but there is a cost. They are both in senior independent living with continuing care available (privileged women these two). Their families are living through this with them, and I am wondering about my own path. What is needed is listening, tender care, grace, and dignity for all in this fragile state.
On the hand, the youngest members of my family are my grandkids. They are very young. They are a wonderful mix of race. They need a caring village who can nurture, guide, and teach them. They need to be listened to. They need to wonder and wander in peace. They need opportunity without prejudice and suspicion. They need acceptance and appreciation for who they are. They need support in order to be their best human selves.
Listen.
Frailty with care and dignity no matter the age, no matter the ability to pay.
As always with your work, I found this really meaningful. Something I've learned in the tumult of the last 5+ years in our society is also how fragile society itself is, such precarity perhaps built into a capitalist system, yes, but also because *society is a difficult project* and that's not ONLY capitalism's fault. I think acknowledging that reality would also be really useful in thinking of how to come together.
I looked up the word precarious a long time ago and found "dependant on prayer." When I think of humanity, I want to think prayerfully, with the widest receptive listening. Prayer for me does not mean wishful thinking. It's part of faithfully respecting and bowing to human limits and yes, frailty. From there I repeatedly seek a center beyond frailty in soul and our wider soul systems. If we are going to talk frailty, we will also need a physical practice that leads us beyond despair into real resilience, no matter what. I look to indigenous and African descendants for the best wisdom in this regard.
How fortunate Courtney was to join this group that included discussion of a favorite philosopher, Hannah Arendt! The subject of human frailty, (that she also analyses in "The Human Condition") is perfectly related by Courtney to our present predicaments. I was especially grateful to have news of Stonebridge's new book on Arendt, that I've just ordered. I hope that it examines Arendt's "On Violence", a text that I regularly assigned in my Barnard seminar on Nonviolence and strongly recommend. Arendt shows brilliantly that violence doesn't work to build a society or resolve conflict in the long run. It consistently replicates itself. What a vital lesson for a world at war! Thanks so much for this outstanding newsletter. DD
I love this piece. I wish more platforms for communication were a means of sharing the common experience of frailty and how it can bring us together rather than tear us apart...
This article makes so much sense! Many of us who are discouraged and feel hopeless about “preserving our democracy” can relate to focusing, instead, on our frailty as we seek real solutions. Thank you, Courtney for writing from a different point of view.
I heard something this morning which made me think of you and your dad and dementia, which I will write here, though I know it is slightly off topic other than connecting to frailty.
A teacher repeated the quote 'Housebuilder, you will build your house no more. Rest in the mind that is unfurnished. Let yourself be a vehicle for life to live through you.'
I am not saying I see an answer to anything in this, but I see something, and I thought you might see something in it too, in thinking about your father and what he maybe cannot do but what he very much does just by who he is.
First I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about what happened at your children’s school. I read your book “Learning in Public,” so I know of the wonderful learning environment there, and I imagine the staff has been amazing at helping the students process the event. Still, it’s terrible and unsettling.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful question from Lindsey Stonebridge. It resonated deeply with me, as I teach preschoolers whose parents are immigrants and refugees. I see frailty regularly - alongside inner strength, as the parents (usually mothers) are also part of our program. Seeing firsthand all they have to deal with, it’s impossible to look at the world the same way again. Their support of each other through struggles - when they are strangers, but share the same language - reminds me of Krista Tippett’s phrase “muscular hope”. What a blessing they’ve all been to me, in turning my eyes and heart to what is really important. I’m thankful too, for amazing people like Ai-jen Poo (who both you and Krista have featured).
PS Shout-out for your podcast The Wise Unknown! Many of your guests spoke beautifully about frailty and the human condition. Love Ted Klontz.
What a great essay! "Let's stop strengthening democracy this year. Let's start weakening delusions about the human condition, which will then help us reimagine democracy for a country, a people, as we really are – young and old and everything in between, and temporarily well and often sick, and sometimes able bodied and sometimes not, sometimes broken hearted and sometimes full of joy and optimism, and tangled in relationships that hold us up through it all." I was incorporating Wendell Berry's words (from an oldie, The Hidden Wound) in my essay next week, and your piece added so beautifully to it. Thank you.
i came back to this today after writing a post that made me reflect on why "strengthening democracy" feels like such an underwhelming frame... and found myself playing with the idea of a "democracy worth wanting? (with a nod to Emily Nagoski). Sharing here in case others also may be struggling with how hold this year of elections: https://citizenstout.substack.com/p/electoral-politics-and-the-promise
I am grateful in my life to be connected more than I ever been before. As I approach my late 60s, I am a Jesus follower, white woman, born into privilege, a member of the sandwich generation...and I am waking up.
I am blessed to live near my elderly mother and mother-in-law. They are both struggling in their early 90s. One is strong of mind but challenged by arthritis. The other is strong of body, but losing her memory. They make me wonder what I want my healthcare to provide for me as I age. Modern medicine is helping them borrow time, but there is a cost. They are both in senior independent living with continuing care available (privileged women these two). Their families are living through this with them, and I am wondering about my own path. What is needed is listening, tender care, grace, and dignity for all in this fragile state.
On the hand, the youngest members of my family are my grandkids. They are very young. They are a wonderful mix of race. They need a caring village who can nurture, guide, and teach them. They need to be listened to. They need to wonder and wander in peace. They need opportunity without prejudice and suspicion. They need acceptance and appreciation for who they are. They need support in order to be their best human selves.
Listen.
Frailty with care and dignity no matter the age, no matter the ability to pay.
What a beautiful portrait of the generations of not just your family, but America's. I love it.
As always with your work, I found this really meaningful. Something I've learned in the tumult of the last 5+ years in our society is also how fragile society itself is, such precarity perhaps built into a capitalist system, yes, but also because *society is a difficult project* and that's not ONLY capitalism's fault. I think acknowledging that reality would also be really useful in thinking of how to come together.
This is such a gorgeous essay, Courtney, and frailty is the absolute perfect metaphor for these times. Thank you.
This is wonderful—exactly what our government should be for, exactly what communities of animals have known for centuries. Thank you for writing this.
I looked up the word precarious a long time ago and found "dependant on prayer." When I think of humanity, I want to think prayerfully, with the widest receptive listening. Prayer for me does not mean wishful thinking. It's part of faithfully respecting and bowing to human limits and yes, frailty. From there I repeatedly seek a center beyond frailty in soul and our wider soul systems. If we are going to talk frailty, we will also need a physical practice that leads us beyond despair into real resilience, no matter what. I look to indigenous and African descendants for the best wisdom in this regard.
I love this so much. Thank you for your wisdom.
How fortunate Courtney was to join this group that included discussion of a favorite philosopher, Hannah Arendt! The subject of human frailty, (that she also analyses in "The Human Condition") is perfectly related by Courtney to our present predicaments. I was especially grateful to have news of Stonebridge's new book on Arendt, that I've just ordered. I hope that it examines Arendt's "On Violence", a text that I regularly assigned in my Barnard seminar on Nonviolence and strongly recommend. Arendt shows brilliantly that violence doesn't work to build a society or resolve conflict in the long run. It consistently replicates itself. What a vital lesson for a world at war! Thanks so much for this outstanding newsletter. DD
You were the first to teach me Arendt, DD! What a gift.
I love this piece. I wish more platforms for communication were a means of sharing the common experience of frailty and how it can bring us together rather than tear us apart...
A lot of people on there need to hear this
Sharing to Facebook if you don’t mind? Will upgrade to paid soon!
Democracy is the the starting point for the success and actions of our better nature.
This article makes so much sense! Many of us who are discouraged and feel hopeless about “preserving our democracy” can relate to focusing, instead, on our frailty as we seek real solutions. Thank you, Courtney for writing from a different point of view.
I heard something this morning which made me think of you and your dad and dementia, which I will write here, though I know it is slightly off topic other than connecting to frailty.
A teacher repeated the quote 'Housebuilder, you will build your house no more. Rest in the mind that is unfurnished. Let yourself be a vehicle for life to live through you.'
I am not saying I see an answer to anything in this, but I see something, and I thought you might see something in it too, in thinking about your father and what he maybe cannot do but what he very much does just by who he is.
And I know not everyone's dementia is like this.
WOW. I love that so much. Thank you.
First I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about what happened at your children’s school. I read your book “Learning in Public,” so I know of the wonderful learning environment there, and I imagine the staff has been amazing at helping the students process the event. Still, it’s terrible and unsettling.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful question from Lindsey Stonebridge. It resonated deeply with me, as I teach preschoolers whose parents are immigrants and refugees. I see frailty regularly - alongside inner strength, as the parents (usually mothers) are also part of our program. Seeing firsthand all they have to deal with, it’s impossible to look at the world the same way again. Their support of each other through struggles - when they are strangers, but share the same language - reminds me of Krista Tippett’s phrase “muscular hope”. What a blessing they’ve all been to me, in turning my eyes and heart to what is really important. I’m thankful too, for amazing people like Ai-jen Poo (who both you and Krista have featured).
PS Shout-out for your podcast The Wise Unknown! Many of your guests spoke beautifully about frailty and the human condition. Love Ted Klontz.
What a great essay! "Let's stop strengthening democracy this year. Let's start weakening delusions about the human condition, which will then help us reimagine democracy for a country, a people, as we really are – young and old and everything in between, and temporarily well and often sick, and sometimes able bodied and sometimes not, sometimes broken hearted and sometimes full of joy and optimism, and tangled in relationships that hold us up through it all." I was incorporating Wendell Berry's words (from an oldie, The Hidden Wound) in my essay next week, and your piece added so beautifully to it. Thank you.
i came back to this today after writing a post that made me reflect on why "strengthening democracy" feels like such an underwhelming frame... and found myself playing with the idea of a "democracy worth wanting? (with a nod to Emily Nagoski). Sharing here in case others also may be struggling with how hold this year of elections: https://citizenstout.substack.com/p/electoral-politics-and-the-promise
This is really lovely.