Maybe it's because it's the first day of school and I just dropped my 7yo at 2nd grade and my 4yo at 4K (and in the case of the latter, definitely did not make it all the way back to my car before starting to cry) but: this is one of the most beautiful pieces of yours I've ever read, and that's really saying something. Thank you for this. Thank you for putting your finger very gently but with complete precision *right* on the spot that's basically pulsing with joy and pain this morning (and every day? every moment of my life since the day I became a mother?) I am sitting here kind of stunned, in the best way.
Way to surrender to the drop off, Momma! Now go enjoy a quiet moment to feel whatever you feel. (Or rush to work, as it too often the case.) But you did it!
In my experience, as a mother of three, the eldest 34 years old and the youngest 23, and a grandmother of one, what you are feeling right now of mothering gets only larger, more glowing, and more intricately interlaced with the years of it. When I look at or think of each of each of my children or the group of them, I see not only the present but for each too I see many layers at once - a newborn, the co-sleeping infant, the toddler, the grade schooler, the high schooler, the new college freshman settling into the dorm, the research scientist, the poet, the archaeologist in the field, the lawyer in action, the teacher in action, the new mother only now possibly understanding her mother's love when she looks into her own plumpkin's eyes... It only grows. When I wake in the dark and they happen all to be here at once again and I see the three doors all closed, I cannot describe what it feels like to have them all together here again. A parent's life.
Oh Fritzie, I don't know if I can handle "larger, more glowing, and more intricately interlaced" but I'll try. All those plumpkins behind all those doors! What a stunning image. Thank you for sharing it with us.
So very beautiful Courtney 💕 You captured life with children and grandchildren perfectly. Walk into each day with hearts wide open, cultivating awareness and maintaining a willingness to learn from the little beings that bless us!!! Love that at 71 I share perspective with a young mom. Heartwarming!!!!
Oh Courtney, this took my breath away. Those sublime moments that flow into life, like cosmic messages of embodied love. Thank you for sharing this moment of heart ing with all of us.
Thank you for bursting my heart open today. I took a few moments to reflect on the transcendental moments I experienced with my 3 year old twins today.
Thank you for giving words, such beautiful words, to something so difficult to name yet so important and life-affirming to acknowledge and share. Thank you for giving me words now to finally name my greatest wisdom and know that it is enough. Thank you for daring to lend your heart and soul to all of us, especially in these strange and remarkable times. You've been such a fine rudder and source of hope and inspiration that I've particularly appreciated. I am grateful for you and your generous, brave heart and mind.
This is wild. I am not kidding you, I was on a family vacation recently and journaled about these moments and I loved the way you articulated it. Thin moments. You like ascend into another dimension its insane. Thanks for sharing this.
Today, with the fires destroying precious ecosystems and the virus taking still so many lives, this piece is medicine. I am a daughter, not yet a parent, yet I resonated wholeheartedly with the “thin space” and know the work is to open up to the moments of life that cut through the “dumb flesh” and remind me to savor aliveness, even if it hurts to deliberately opens up my heart to all it feels. I immediately sent this piece to the new parents in my life who I know are struggling with lack of sleep and the other mundane challenges of parenting, while also having their spirits widened to encompass this unbearable beauty you put words to. Thank you!
I love your "let me now" because it seems to say "I want to add audio, let me now!" However, I believe you were really asking for feedback. I love your voice AND I prefer to read because I need to take it in, appreciate your wordcraft, linger over some sentences and speed through others. I know from my own career in talk radio that other people crave the intimacy of the voice, the "company" of the speaker, content to spend whatever time. (I confess that I play podcasts at 1 1/2 speed) Another reason I prefer to read it myself: when I get teary, as I did reading today's, I need a little time to wipe my eyes, refocus, ask myself "what's going on there?" and return to your words.
Haha! I clearly need a copy editor but also love when my mistakes add layers. Thanks Ruth Ann. I love hearing about your experience. And will keep experimenting with audio and making sure to post the words, too. Sending love and gratitude your way.
Thank you so much for this. I needed it today. I think there's something about the transcendence we experience with our children that is so deeply instructive for how to approach transcendence in all aspects of our life. We expect our children to grow up and away. We understand that our time with them intimately in our daily lives is fleeting, and so, perhaps, we can hold these moments of unbearable beauty with a more open hand. Would that we could bring this open-handedness to all of our relationships, all of the containers of our lives that are periodically inhabited by this unbearable beauty. Instead, we cling and fixate and make ourselves poignantly miserable trying to hold what is essentially Spirit, as if we can, as if we're even supposed to. My instinct has always been that we are not. That part of being human is embracing the poignancy of the comings and goings of transcendence and mystery.
This is such a deeply moving post, Courtney. Thank you for catching the ephemeral wonder that touches even the hard moments of parenting. The trick it to be awake and savor those fleeting moments. What a gift!
Maybe it's because it's the first day of school and I just dropped my 7yo at 2nd grade and my 4yo at 4K (and in the case of the latter, definitely did not make it all the way back to my car before starting to cry) but: this is one of the most beautiful pieces of yours I've ever read, and that's really saying something. Thank you for this. Thank you for putting your finger very gently but with complete precision *right* on the spot that's basically pulsing with joy and pain this morning (and every day? every moment of my life since the day I became a mother?) I am sitting here kind of stunned, in the best way.
Way to surrender to the drop off, Momma! Now go enjoy a quiet moment to feel whatever you feel. (Or rush to work, as it too often the case.) But you did it!
In my experience, as a mother of three, the eldest 34 years old and the youngest 23, and a grandmother of one, what you are feeling right now of mothering gets only larger, more glowing, and more intricately interlaced with the years of it. When I look at or think of each of each of my children or the group of them, I see not only the present but for each too I see many layers at once - a newborn, the co-sleeping infant, the toddler, the grade schooler, the high schooler, the new college freshman settling into the dorm, the research scientist, the poet, the archaeologist in the field, the lawyer in action, the teacher in action, the new mother only now possibly understanding her mother's love when she looks into her own plumpkin's eyes... It only grows. When I wake in the dark and they happen all to be here at once again and I see the three doors all closed, I cannot describe what it feels like to have them all together here again. A parent's life.
Oh Fritzie, I don't know if I can handle "larger, more glowing, and more intricately interlaced" but I'll try. All those plumpkins behind all those doors! What a stunning image. Thank you for sharing it with us.
So very beautiful Courtney 💕 You captured life with children and grandchildren perfectly. Walk into each day with hearts wide open, cultivating awareness and maintaining a willingness to learn from the little beings that bless us!!! Love that at 71 I share perspective with a young mom. Heartwarming!!!!
Thank you!
Courtney.....really???? I loved listening to you AND reading all about you and those munchkins. I just got your book today! Can't wait
Thank you forever neighbor!
Oh Courtney, this took my breath away. Those sublime moments that flow into life, like cosmic messages of embodied love. Thank you for sharing this moment of heart ing with all of us.
Hearting! I love it. Thank you, Kay.
Thank you for bursting my heart open today. I took a few moments to reflect on the transcendental moments I experienced with my 3 year old twins today.
What were they?! Would love to hear if you have time.
Thank you for giving words, such beautiful words, to something so difficult to name yet so important and life-affirming to acknowledge and share. Thank you for giving me words now to finally name my greatest wisdom and know that it is enough. Thank you for daring to lend your heart and soul to all of us, especially in these strange and remarkable times. You've been such a fine rudder and source of hope and inspiration that I've particularly appreciated. I am grateful for you and your generous, brave heart and mind.
That's one for my tombstone - "a fine rudder." Thank you, Kim. So much.
I’d never heard your voice before and it’s beautiful! More intimate too. I would love to listen to you more!
This piece was more than perfect, Courtney.
This is wild. I am not kidding you, I was on a family vacation recently and journaled about these moments and I loved the way you articulated it. Thin moments. You like ascend into another dimension its insane. Thanks for sharing this.
Today, with the fires destroying precious ecosystems and the virus taking still so many lives, this piece is medicine. I am a daughter, not yet a parent, yet I resonated wholeheartedly with the “thin space” and know the work is to open up to the moments of life that cut through the “dumb flesh” and remind me to savor aliveness, even if it hurts to deliberately opens up my heart to all it feels. I immediately sent this piece to the new parents in my life who I know are struggling with lack of sleep and the other mundane challenges of parenting, while also having their spirits widened to encompass this unbearable beauty you put words to. Thank you!
Love the audio- it is that much more intimate!
I love your "let me now" because it seems to say "I want to add audio, let me now!" However, I believe you were really asking for feedback. I love your voice AND I prefer to read because I need to take it in, appreciate your wordcraft, linger over some sentences and speed through others. I know from my own career in talk radio that other people crave the intimacy of the voice, the "company" of the speaker, content to spend whatever time. (I confess that I play podcasts at 1 1/2 speed) Another reason I prefer to read it myself: when I get teary, as I did reading today's, I need a little time to wipe my eyes, refocus, ask myself "what's going on there?" and return to your words.
Haha! I clearly need a copy editor but also love when my mistakes add layers. Thanks Ruth Ann. I love hearing about your experience. And will keep experimenting with audio and making sure to post the words, too. Sending love and gratitude your way.
Thank you so much for this. I needed it today. I think there's something about the transcendence we experience with our children that is so deeply instructive for how to approach transcendence in all aspects of our life. We expect our children to grow up and away. We understand that our time with them intimately in our daily lives is fleeting, and so, perhaps, we can hold these moments of unbearable beauty with a more open hand. Would that we could bring this open-handedness to all of our relationships, all of the containers of our lives that are periodically inhabited by this unbearable beauty. Instead, we cling and fixate and make ourselves poignantly miserable trying to hold what is essentially Spirit, as if we can, as if we're even supposed to. My instinct has always been that we are not. That part of being human is embracing the poignancy of the comings and goings of transcendence and mystery.
Gorgeously put. You are one wise human, Asha. Thank you for dropping your wisdom here on occasion.
That means a lot coming from you. Thank you.
This is such a deeply moving post, Courtney. Thank you for catching the ephemeral wonder that touches even the hard moments of parenting. The trick it to be awake and savor those fleeting moments. What a gift!
Perfection. Thank you.
Lady, your children are perfection. I so enjoy watching them grow on social media.