In Sigrid Nunez’s beautiful book, What Are You Going Through, she writes: What if all this time we have misunderstood the story of the Tower of Babel?…What if it was not just to different tribes but to each individual human being that a separate language was given, unique as fingerprints. And, step two, to make life among humans even more strifeful and confounding, he beclouded their perception of this. So that while we might understand that there are many peoples speaking many different languages, we are fooled into thinking that everyone in our own tribe speaks the same language we do.
The loving study of each other's languages is everything. And it's those little moments of curiosity that constitute the heart of the study. I wonder why you say this and not that, why you bathe in silences, why you NO when so much of you wants to yes? The pandemic is a fairly ultimate test to how curious we can remain about each other.
So beautiful. Hang in there — I have boys, not girls; they're big people now (28 and 22), both gifted with language, both so loving, both hilarious, both gay. Was it easy along the way? You know the answer — I'm not comparing degrees of difficulty, just checking in from a few steps further along to encourage you. Keep the faith, keep your sense of humor, just keep on. It absolutely is enough.
Oh my goodness, Courtney, you and i live parallel lives. This is me and my kids (8 and 12). Exhaustion is not enough to describe the tiredness of saying the same thing over and over and over. The same routine over and over. And the guilt I feel that all my children hear/see from me is my annoyance. I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting and how much easier it must have been when families lived as part of great big tribes and all the adults shared in the responsibilities of raising little humans. Our family quality of life is really in the pits right now. Thank you for this.
Lovely! I so remember the days/years of thinking my boy was an alien with so few words and so much NO. I can't imagine covid on top of that. Whatever you're doing, it is more than enough. The love is there.
(Note: My boy is 28 now, and completely human...actually a really good and kind and verbal man who knows how to love.)
my daughter is 6 and this is exactly our relationship. Combat and then hugs. A constant mustering of all my best parenting efforts and then giving up again and again with exhaustion, frustration. And yes, lots of audio books.
Audio books are not screen time, they're reading skill-building time. All those thoughtful, independent, mind movies she's making; the self-reg practice, the vocabulary she's exposed to -- it's great for her. Just don't tell her so :)
Love to you from Texas...from the heart of a Grandma aching for Maya and Stellas grandmas to hug them and get hugs back. Easter is coming...it has to be
You all are the best. Thanks for all these words of solidarity and perspective. What a gift this community of readers is to me.
The loving study of each other's languages is everything. And it's those little moments of curiosity that constitute the heart of the study. I wonder why you say this and not that, why you bathe in silences, why you NO when so much of you wants to yes? The pandemic is a fairly ultimate test to how curious we can remain about each other.
So beautiful. Hang in there — I have boys, not girls; they're big people now (28 and 22), both gifted with language, both so loving, both hilarious, both gay. Was it easy along the way? You know the answer — I'm not comparing degrees of difficulty, just checking in from a few steps further along to encourage you. Keep the faith, keep your sense of humor, just keep on. It absolutely is enough.
Oh my goodness, Courtney, you and i live parallel lives. This is me and my kids (8 and 12). Exhaustion is not enough to describe the tiredness of saying the same thing over and over and over. The same routine over and over. And the guilt I feel that all my children hear/see from me is my annoyance. I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting and how much easier it must have been when families lived as part of great big tribes and all the adults shared in the responsibilities of raising little humans. Our family quality of life is really in the pits right now. Thank you for this.
Lovely! I so remember the days/years of thinking my boy was an alien with so few words and so much NO. I can't imagine covid on top of that. Whatever you're doing, it is more than enough. The love is there.
(Note: My boy is 28 now, and completely human...actually a really good and kind and verbal man who knows how to love.)
my daughter is 6 and this is exactly our relationship. Combat and then hugs. A constant mustering of all my best parenting efforts and then giving up again and again with exhaustion, frustration. And yes, lots of audio books.
Audio books are not screen time, they're reading skill-building time. All those thoughtful, independent, mind movies she's making; the self-reg practice, the vocabulary she's exposed to -- it's great for her. Just don't tell her so :)
Courtney, thank you so very much for articulating my experience so graciously. You leave me breathless.
Love to you from Texas...from the heart of a Grandma aching for Maya and Stellas grandmas to hug them and get hugs back. Easter is coming...it has to be
My daughter shared similar struggles with her son and I am grateful to share your words with her. She is not so alone afterall.