I love this, and wish I'd had the book when my kids were growing up. My favorite thing about what Culatta does is framing everything in terms of what TO do instead of what not to—back when our school district would call in some "expert" to do a program for parents, it was always an hysterical diatribe warning us about all the dangers of allowing your kid to interact online unless you were either watching over their shoulders or diligently snooping afterward to see what they'd been up to. (I went to one or two and then never again.) Also — yay Matilda! -And from an earlier post: I strongly encourage you to treat yourself to the audio of Ross Gay's Inciting Joy! Put it in your car, and you too will begin to look forward to running stupid errands.... I'm almost finished (after stretching it out over many wonderful weeks), which breaks my heart a little — except that I haven't read it yet, so I can do that next. Happy New Year, Courtney, and thanks for all you do.
I really liked the emphasis on KINDNESS that Culatta mentioned at the outset. What do you both think of Pamela Paul’s column “Kids’ Books Don’t Need to Be Only About Kids”? (NY Times, 12/3) There’s a thoughtful response to it in Letter to Editor in today’s NYT: “The best children’s books enchant, delight and charm children through the text, often in verse, and beautiful artwork. The dreary ones preach at them. We must be wary of the latter. Our job is to endear children to reading, not drive them from it.” (Margaret McGirr, p. A19). So my concern is about fostering kindness in kids without preaching, whether digital or not, because I fear that in ceaseless reading aloud to my kids and grandkids, I tended to preach too much, or selecting literature and programs in any form that failed in this respect. Suggestions? DD
Such a good point to raise, DD. There are some books/authors that Maya and I both love and revel in. That's our sweet spot. But there are other authors that she LOVES and I find boring (like James Patterson) or that I LOVE that she is less enamored with (Kate DiCamillo off and on). I try to sort of make room for all of that and ask her to meet me halfway--sometimes we read my faves, sometimes hers, and sometimes we get to read our shared faves. This is true of music, too. But I do try to be honest about what I like and don't, while not shaming her about her taste. Feels like we both get to be whole people with our own preferences that way.
Jan 6, 2023·edited Jan 6, 2023Liked by Courtney Martin
Courtney, I so appreciate you bringing the issue of class into this conversation. As a single mom with limited resources and loads of obligation I have had to lean on the "digital babysitter" more than is considered healthy, but what other options did I have? My kids do use screens a lot, but my oldest mostly now mostly uses his phone to read fan fiction and my youngest plays games with their friends. When they do watch tv on their devices or videos I can't help but feel like they're not watching more than I watched television growing up with two working parents. We watched tv from the moment we got home from school until we were sent to bed. And I'm only a little bit crazy. ;)
I also appreciated the distinction made between passive absorption of content and more active engagement with technology. When looked at that way I think my kids probably have better digital habits than I do. They like to interact with technology, and with the world as it is I feel like that's not a bad thing necessarily.
Thanks for the feedback Asha! I'm not sure I would have ever been able to get a meal on the table when my kids were younger if Pocoyo hadn't been an option. Smart use of age-appropriate media can be a godsend for parents who are trying to juggle all the things.
I agree! It was also true when my kids were younger and their screen time mostly involved the tv rather than phones and such that I spent a lot of time watching incredibly mind-numbing kids programming with them. So much Dora the Explorer and Backyardigans and such. OMG. But it allowed me to share in what they were into, have in jokes and family catch phrases. And as they got older and wanted to watch tween programming that really bothered me because the kids were always sort of awful to each other (god save me from Suite Life On Deck) it prompted really compelling conversations about kindness and respect and how you know who you're friends really are, just as you suggest.
This is wonderful! Just put the book on hold at the library. So many good things here, and my kiddo is grown and almost out of the house, but what he is saying really feels so balanced-- and a relief to hear that the sort of self righteous criticism thrown at 'screen time' by those who do, is hitting people other than me as dishonest and unhelpful. I also find it interesting that Minecraft is a low bar activity, because Minecraft is a world of its own-- it can be amazingly high bar, you can learn a language and build an entire city-- ( not me hahaha but other more talented folks) as well as what might be the more common use, which can be simple and satisfying. And very helpful for me today, is the concept of teaching the skills within the context of where we use the skills. I am currently thinking of how training in two very different areas of my workplace looks-- and this concept is a lightbulb going on! yowza!
Thanks for the feedback - glad it was useful! BTW it brought a smile to my face when you called me out for the Minecraft example. I agree that there are many amazing, creative activities that can be done in Minecraft (and also some repetitive, not very creative games). For the purposes of this conversation I just lumped them together, but *how* Minecraft it is being used could definitely change the "level" :)
I love the paradigm of "high bar" and "low bar"! One of my favorite high-bar activities is responding to people's newsletters (either in the comments or directly emailing a writer back, especially if it's someone I know!). Low-bar that I could do without... definitely watching Instagram Reels. I've never met a Reel that's changed my life for the better. Begone!
Love the language given here to things I've thought about in a much less organized way but never attempted to articulate. Even with younger elementary kiddos, it feels accessible to discuss 'high bar' and 'lower bar' activities as well as more consciously articulating what I'm doing on my devices and why. Thank you!
My sons are young adults now, and I wish I’d had the term “screen value” when they were preteens & teens, and their friends’ parents were constantly bringing up the issue of “screen time” as if it were some unsolvable math problem. My husband is in the tech industry, and acquaintances would come to him with the question, thinking he’d have The Answer. I knew it wasn’t as simple as “two hours a day,” especially when I realized their screens were how they read books and socialized with friends and wrote blogs and created worlds to play in. Thanks for sharing Richard’s ideas with us, Courtney! Happy New Year!
Thanks Lisa! If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me for the mythical "screen time" answer I would be able to retire now ;) In my book I explain the concept of "screen value" by comparing it to how we teach our kids about food. Most parents I know teach that some foods are better than others for our bodies and that we should learn to stop eating when we feel full, not when a timer goes off. I've found that's helpful way to get the idea of screen value across to someone who is stuck in the screen time rut.
I love this, and wish I'd had the book when my kids were growing up. My favorite thing about what Culatta does is framing everything in terms of what TO do instead of what not to—back when our school district would call in some "expert" to do a program for parents, it was always an hysterical diatribe warning us about all the dangers of allowing your kid to interact online unless you were either watching over their shoulders or diligently snooping afterward to see what they'd been up to. (I went to one or two and then never again.) Also — yay Matilda! -And from an earlier post: I strongly encourage you to treat yourself to the audio of Ross Gay's Inciting Joy! Put it in your car, and you too will begin to look forward to running stupid errands.... I'm almost finished (after stretching it out over many wonderful weeks), which breaks my heart a little — except that I haven't read it yet, so I can do that next. Happy New Year, Courtney, and thanks for all you do.
I really liked the emphasis on KINDNESS that Culatta mentioned at the outset. What do you both think of Pamela Paul’s column “Kids’ Books Don’t Need to Be Only About Kids”? (NY Times, 12/3) There’s a thoughtful response to it in Letter to Editor in today’s NYT: “The best children’s books enchant, delight and charm children through the text, often in verse, and beautiful artwork. The dreary ones preach at them. We must be wary of the latter. Our job is to endear children to reading, not drive them from it.” (Margaret McGirr, p. A19). So my concern is about fostering kindness in kids without preaching, whether digital or not, because I fear that in ceaseless reading aloud to my kids and grandkids, I tended to preach too much, or selecting literature and programs in any form that failed in this respect. Suggestions? DD
Such a good point to raise, DD. There are some books/authors that Maya and I both love and revel in. That's our sweet spot. But there are other authors that she LOVES and I find boring (like James Patterson) or that I LOVE that she is less enamored with (Kate DiCamillo off and on). I try to sort of make room for all of that and ask her to meet me halfway--sometimes we read my faves, sometimes hers, and sometimes we get to read our shared faves. This is true of music, too. But I do try to be honest about what I like and don't, while not shaming her about her taste. Feels like we both get to be whole people with our own preferences that way.
Courtney, I so appreciate you bringing the issue of class into this conversation. As a single mom with limited resources and loads of obligation I have had to lean on the "digital babysitter" more than is considered healthy, but what other options did I have? My kids do use screens a lot, but my oldest mostly now mostly uses his phone to read fan fiction and my youngest plays games with their friends. When they do watch tv on their devices or videos I can't help but feel like they're not watching more than I watched television growing up with two working parents. We watched tv from the moment we got home from school until we were sent to bed. And I'm only a little bit crazy. ;)
I also appreciated the distinction made between passive absorption of content and more active engagement with technology. When looked at that way I think my kids probably have better digital habits than I do. They like to interact with technology, and with the world as it is I feel like that's not a bad thing necessarily.
Thanks for the feedback Asha! I'm not sure I would have ever been able to get a meal on the table when my kids were younger if Pocoyo hadn't been an option. Smart use of age-appropriate media can be a godsend for parents who are trying to juggle all the things.
I agree! It was also true when my kids were younger and their screen time mostly involved the tv rather than phones and such that I spent a lot of time watching incredibly mind-numbing kids programming with them. So much Dora the Explorer and Backyardigans and such. OMG. But it allowed me to share in what they were into, have in jokes and family catch phrases. And as they got older and wanted to watch tween programming that really bothered me because the kids were always sort of awful to each other (god save me from Suite Life On Deck) it prompted really compelling conversations about kindness and respect and how you know who you're friends really are, just as you suggest.
This is wonderful! Just put the book on hold at the library. So many good things here, and my kiddo is grown and almost out of the house, but what he is saying really feels so balanced-- and a relief to hear that the sort of self righteous criticism thrown at 'screen time' by those who do, is hitting people other than me as dishonest and unhelpful. I also find it interesting that Minecraft is a low bar activity, because Minecraft is a world of its own-- it can be amazingly high bar, you can learn a language and build an entire city-- ( not me hahaha but other more talented folks) as well as what might be the more common use, which can be simple and satisfying. And very helpful for me today, is the concept of teaching the skills within the context of where we use the skills. I am currently thinking of how training in two very different areas of my workplace looks-- and this concept is a lightbulb going on! yowza!
Thanks for the feedback - glad it was useful! BTW it brought a smile to my face when you called me out for the Minecraft example. I agree that there are many amazing, creative activities that can be done in Minecraft (and also some repetitive, not very creative games). For the purposes of this conversation I just lumped them together, but *how* Minecraft it is being used could definitely change the "level" :)
I love the paradigm of "high bar" and "low bar"! One of my favorite high-bar activities is responding to people's newsletters (either in the comments or directly emailing a writer back, especially if it's someone I know!). Low-bar that I could do without... definitely watching Instagram Reels. I've never met a Reel that's changed my life for the better. Begone!
Thanks immensely for your response to my question, Courtney, for these valuable suggestions, and for interviewing Culatta! DD
Love the language given here to things I've thought about in a much less organized way but never attempted to articulate. Even with younger elementary kiddos, it feels accessible to discuss 'high bar' and 'lower bar' activities as well as more consciously articulating what I'm doing on my devices and why. Thank you!
My sons are young adults now, and I wish I’d had the term “screen value” when they were preteens & teens, and their friends’ parents were constantly bringing up the issue of “screen time” as if it were some unsolvable math problem. My husband is in the tech industry, and acquaintances would come to him with the question, thinking he’d have The Answer. I knew it wasn’t as simple as “two hours a day,” especially when I realized their screens were how they read books and socialized with friends and wrote blogs and created worlds to play in. Thanks for sharing Richard’s ideas with us, Courtney! Happy New Year!
Thanks Lisa! If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me for the mythical "screen time" answer I would be able to retire now ;) In my book I explain the concept of "screen value" by comparing it to how we teach our kids about food. Most parents I know teach that some foods are better than others for our bodies and that we should learn to stop eating when we feel full, not when a timer goes off. I've found that's helpful way to get the idea of screen value across to someone who is stuck in the screen time rut.
I love these ideas. Thanks for this close-up of the new book and of Richard himself.
This was incredible! Thanks so much, Melinda. I had an instinct towards this idea but no detail. I can't wait to read his book.