This is one of my favorite of your more recent essays, Courtney. Sending lots of love to your family. Your parents are just the kindest people. I interviewed them once about love on video at Kristin’s wedding. I don’t have it anymore - I gave it to Kristin. I don’t remember their words, but I do have a very clear memory of your dad’s exuberance about the topic. Like he’d just been waiting forever to have someone ask him about love and what makes a good marriage. And I really think the answer was just that. Exuberance. And being all in.
It is a hard time, bringing to mind to each reader, I know, our similar hard times. My thoughts are with you.
I am glad you had Maya with you, that she is old enough to be with you through a day like this.
I hope as you help relieve your mother of part of the crush of caregiving that you don't try to do it too independently, as this is a lot for all of you.
We all learn, I think, that not everything can be done at some highest level all at once, and that has to be okay because there is no changing it.
The girls should be starting a new school soon, which hopefully will give them a new anchor in your new place. I hope your new house or neighborhood has room for both separate space and community.
From my experience (at age 71), midlife if is full on "sciting" with ongoing doses of "revastation" in the mix. And, before you know it you notice you are in your 7th decade and being skilled in living in "scitement" and "revastation" are VERY useful life skills. And, remembering that "The alternative is not getting to do any of these things because you’re dead." is a meaningful mantra that serves me well.
This was a warm read. I really feel appreciative of you sharing these summed up experiences and emotions. I especially love that you mentioned crying in your car, because that is an activity I heavily relate to. I think I’ll be incorporating ‘scited’ into our family’s vocabulary as it perfectly sums up so many experiences that life and motherhood brings.
“It’s glamorous to age”… was just one of these wonderful sentences/thoughts to resonate with me. First time reading your work. More will be needed, what was your book(s)?
“I could carve out a right-sized artistic and professional life of meaning and collectivity without delusions of grandeur or emotional dependence on elite institutions.”
ADORE this. I strive to be open about my emotions with my 3 year old and I hope she can be as emotionally intelligent as your little girl when she's older. Feeling two things at once is such a powerful universal truth and one we all seem to struggle against. Thank you for writing this.x
Beautiful as always. Thank you. Just finished Learning in Public which was a balm to my soul and made me feel less alone over here in St Paul. Doing hard things is hard, your writing and processing is beautiful…thanks again. I will overuse “revastation” and reference you as I have been referencing your book part about “shit on the avocado toast” in the book. Funny and smart and true.
Revastated. Scited! You're IN it and your missives matter and land hard and true. Thank you for normalizing midlife crying in your car. Our cars. Thank you for normalizing and shining light on our wise children. Love to you as you launch anew----with coldcuts and gratitude in hand. This loving business for me is just so messy. Today I actually thought it was a different day. I was SO SURE. So I showed up in wrong places, actually proclaiming my rightness---how others were off! Until...finally, grace rushed in. Grace chasing our little selves up and down the avenue--into our very own front doors (if we are lucky humans who have doors, which yes---we are.) So----whooshing and loving. Hugging and fresh meaning-making---chased by the words that are so needed, in THIS new chapter. Yours. Mine. Ours. After my crazy day---I took an afternoon nap, to reset me---and now, I'll dress and go to a fundraiser in your old hood. As I walk over the threshold (on what is I HOPE the right day), I'll have a bit of you with me. In my pocket--the warm glow of words so true! xo
One of the best things about being this age (60, for me) is that I no longer feel the need to pretend that it's all cool, I've got everything covered. It isn't, and I don't, and the saving graces are the connections and community that I'm helping to create. It truly is a privilege to be alive and feeling revastated.
SCITED! A new word for my 86 years old vocabulary! Maya is definitely a brilliant wordsmith like her mother. Please give her my commendation and gratitude.
And this photo of Courtney in her 20’s brings back many fond memories because this is from when we met at Barnard. Thanks so much for this wonderful column. DD
This is one of my favorite of your more recent essays, Courtney. Sending lots of love to your family. Your parents are just the kindest people. I interviewed them once about love on video at Kristin’s wedding. I don’t have it anymore - I gave it to Kristin. I don’t remember their words, but I do have a very clear memory of your dad’s exuberance about the topic. Like he’d just been waiting forever to have someone ask him about love and what makes a good marriage. And I really think the answer was just that. Exuberance. And being all in.
That's the sweetest thing ever. Thanks for telling me, B.
It is a hard time, bringing to mind to each reader, I know, our similar hard times. My thoughts are with you.
I am glad you had Maya with you, that she is old enough to be with you through a day like this.
I hope as you help relieve your mother of part of the crush of caregiving that you don't try to do it too independently, as this is a lot for all of you.
We all learn, I think, that not everything can be done at some highest level all at once, and that has to be okay because there is no changing it.
The girls should be starting a new school soon, which hopefully will give them a new anchor in your new place. I hope your new house or neighborhood has room for both separate space and community.
From my experience (at age 71), midlife if is full on "sciting" with ongoing doses of "revastation" in the mix. And, before you know it you notice you are in your 7th decade and being skilled in living in "scitement" and "revastation" are VERY useful life skills. And, remembering that "The alternative is not getting to do any of these things because you’re dead." is a meaningful mantra that serves me well.
This was a warm read. I really feel appreciative of you sharing these summed up experiences and emotions. I especially love that you mentioned crying in your car, because that is an activity I heavily relate to. I think I’ll be incorporating ‘scited’ into our family’s vocabulary as it perfectly sums up so many experiences that life and motherhood brings.
Brilliant! And tell us about your first book deal! And this line is perfectly Taylor-esque: "All the sudden, busting into my crushing..."
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
“It’s glamorous to age”… was just one of these wonderful sentences/thoughts to resonate with me. First time reading your work. More will be needed, what was your book(s)?
Welcome! You can read about my work here: https://courtneyemartin.com/
Thank you!
Courtney,
Some how you always just "nail" it with your beautiful words. Love Love
“I could carve out a right-sized artistic and professional life of meaning and collectivity without delusions of grandeur or emotional dependence on elite institutions.”
My lesson of the 30s too. ❤️
ADORE this. I strive to be open about my emotions with my 3 year old and I hope she can be as emotionally intelligent as your little girl when she's older. Feeling two things at once is such a powerful universal truth and one we all seem to struggle against. Thank you for writing this.x
Beautiful as always. Thank you. Just finished Learning in Public which was a balm to my soul and made me feel less alone over here in St Paul. Doing hard things is hard, your writing and processing is beautiful…thanks again. I will overuse “revastation” and reference you as I have been referencing your book part about “shit on the avocado toast” in the book. Funny and smart and true.
Sending you big Minnesota love! Thanks for doing the damn thing where you are. It matters.
Revastated. Scited! You're IN it and your missives matter and land hard and true. Thank you for normalizing midlife crying in your car. Our cars. Thank you for normalizing and shining light on our wise children. Love to you as you launch anew----with coldcuts and gratitude in hand. This loving business for me is just so messy. Today I actually thought it was a different day. I was SO SURE. So I showed up in wrong places, actually proclaiming my rightness---how others were off! Until...finally, grace rushed in. Grace chasing our little selves up and down the avenue--into our very own front doors (if we are lucky humans who have doors, which yes---we are.) So----whooshing and loving. Hugging and fresh meaning-making---chased by the words that are so needed, in THIS new chapter. Yours. Mine. Ours. After my crazy day---I took an afternoon nap, to reset me---and now, I'll dress and go to a fundraiser in your old hood. As I walk over the threshold (on what is I HOPE the right day), I'll have a bit of you with me. In my pocket--the warm glow of words so true! xo
Love all of this, Lynn. And as my dad has taught me, who really cares what day it actually is? Ha!
We ARE lucky - we're here, experiencing this life in all its wonder with other complicated human beings. (Gotta love 'just another bozo on the bus')
It's true: it's about the love, and others. I am grateful for your reminders/encouragement/affirmations.
I hope the sale goes well.
One of the best things about being this age (60, for me) is that I no longer feel the need to pretend that it's all cool, I've got everything covered. It isn't, and I don't, and the saving graces are the connections and community that I'm helping to create. It truly is a privilege to be alive and feeling revastated.
My version of 44 feels so much the same that now I’m crying in the car… again. 💜
SCITED! A new word for my 86 years old vocabulary! Maya is definitely a brilliant wordsmith like her mother. Please give her my commendation and gratitude.
And this photo of Courtney in her 20’s brings back many fond memories because this is from when we met at Barnard. Thanks so much for this wonderful column. DD