Someone recently texted me to ask how I would describe what makes my kid’s (Title I, Black-majority, 2 out of 10 on GreatSchools.org) school special. I shot something back about diversity and teacher retention and joy, but after I hit send, I was left with an inchoate feeling that I’d missed something. The description was wide-ranging, but lacking some deeper truth I couldn’t put my finger on in the middle of a busy workday.
Love, love, love this, Courtney! I treasure all the folks who’ve said “Welcome!” to me without preconditions. I especially treasure those who have found me worthy even when I found myself unworthy. Because I’ve been graced with experiences of that sort, the word I try to share when talking with people who are struggling is “Welcome to the human race. Nothing you are experiencing puts you outside the realm of what it means to be human. While I cannot walk in your skin, I can walk alongside you if you wish.” (P.S. The Psalms cover a range of emotions that make that collection very human, from the open welcome of Psalm 23 to one that reads, “Lord, smash the teeth of my enemies.” There are days when that one appeals to me, as I hear powerful people natter on about this and that in unfeeling, unethical, inhumane, and un-democratic ways. If cosmic teeth-smacking were to happen to more such people, we might at least get universal dental care. Just a thought...)
Um, yeah, this is more of a question than a comment but how is it that (a). This piece is so perfect and (b). You basically summarized my entire life in a single paragraph?
“There are so many spaces in contemporary life that are filthy with—sometimes explicit, sometimes just insecurity-inducing smog—proving one’s worthiness. I used to be drawn toward many of them—eager to prove that even a girl from a middle class family from Colorado Springs could be special, an artist, a bonafide author. And I tricked many an elite gatekeeper into letting me slip thru. I walked hallowed halls. I stood on fancy stages. I shook hands with other chosen people while they looked over my shoulder for someone better.”
This person from a blue collar family in no-where's-ville Manitoba, Canada (!) - as always - thanks you for your honesty. We are wonderfully created - no scorecards needed.
We are social beings - we all need (whether we acknowledge or know it... or not) authentic community.
So much inspiration coming from this latest newsletter! As usual, I fully agree with Courtney and whatever Parker Palmer has written. Hooray for universal dental care as Sharron leaves now for her next root canal. (ouch!). Since there's a reference to Christian gospel, I'll add wisdom first, from the Bhagavad Gita: the truly enlightened person "sees the self in all creatures and all creatures in the self." (6th Teaching: verse 29). Or from the Hebrew sacred texts: "To love one's fellow man as oneself." "Not to requite evil for evil". And Hillel: "loving peace, and pursuing peace, loving [thy]fellow creatures." ("Ethics of the Fathers", pp.44,142-3). My contemporary favorite is Thich Nhat Hanh: "True love is made up of four elements: loving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity." ("How to Love", p.16). Thanks again for this opportunity to share! DD
Love this so much! The "subjunctive" community... what might be... and open-ended questions that don't impoverish the person(s). Thank you for creating this feeling of community online too ;)
Probably more than any other piece since I've been reading your newsletter this gets a massive YES!
The assumption of worthiness.
And this: The older I get, the more out of love I fall with these spaces and the more obsessed I become with the alternative: communities where you can count on a welcome, a carton of milk or a glass of wine, a chair and an open-ended question no matter who you are, no matter where you’re from, no matter what else you’ve done or who you’ve been.
Actually I could quote most of it. The last paragraph especially. Yes! Yes! Yes!
What a powerful guiding principle for building your life... And what better way to model and teach radical acceptance, of yourself and others, to your kids.
But is there still a place for auditions in our lives? I'm at that phase in parenting where my eldest (2nd grade) is just starting to wade into "audition" territory... her soccer team is starting to lose the most competitive players who want to try out for a competitive team, there will be tests to track kids in math starting next year, and on and on. On the one hand, some of these "auditions" will help my child find their place and get appropriate attention to meet their talents, but on the other hand, it is an act of assigning value and worth that doesn't feel right...
So beautifully articulated, Courtney. I work in a church and still find myself searching for the kind of no audition community you describe. Thank you!!
I’m late to commenting here. Apologies. I so appreciate this post! I really needed this today! It gives me a beacon to help guide my path as a cultivate new communities in my retirement years. Thank you so much, wise Courtney!
Ah this one speaks to my soul and heart. This is how the nurses during my treatment show up, it’s how the mothers donating breast milk for my little one come to the table. All with the same love and generosity and no judgement or screening or pretenses. The opposite of capitalist, corporate America and the foundation on which humans have always been designed to operate. God the world would be good if we all lived like this. Thanks Courtney for shining a light ❤️🌈
Just beautiful! I'm tempted after seeing the other thoughtful comments to come up with something deeper to say, but I just came here to say this was beautiful, so anything else now would be an audition. Beautiful, Courtney! Thank you for this.
Love, love, love this, Courtney! I treasure all the folks who’ve said “Welcome!” to me without preconditions. I especially treasure those who have found me worthy even when I found myself unworthy. Because I’ve been graced with experiences of that sort, the word I try to share when talking with people who are struggling is “Welcome to the human race. Nothing you are experiencing puts you outside the realm of what it means to be human. While I cannot walk in your skin, I can walk alongside you if you wish.” (P.S. The Psalms cover a range of emotions that make that collection very human, from the open welcome of Psalm 23 to one that reads, “Lord, smash the teeth of my enemies.” There are days when that one appeals to me, as I hear powerful people natter on about this and that in unfeeling, unethical, inhumane, and un-democratic ways. If cosmic teeth-smacking were to happen to more such people, we might at least get universal dental care. Just a thought...)
Um, yeah, this is more of a question than a comment but how is it that (a). This piece is so perfect and (b). You basically summarized my entire life in a single paragraph?
“There are so many spaces in contemporary life that are filthy with—sometimes explicit, sometimes just insecurity-inducing smog—proving one’s worthiness. I used to be drawn toward many of them—eager to prove that even a girl from a middle class family from Colorado Springs could be special, an artist, a bonafide author. And I tricked many an elite gatekeeper into letting me slip thru. I walked hallowed halls. I stood on fancy stages. I shook hands with other chosen people while they looked over my shoulder for someone better.”
This person from a blue collar family in no-where's-ville Manitoba, Canada (!) - as always - thanks you for your honesty. We are wonderfully created - no scorecards needed.
We are social beings - we all need (whether we acknowledge or know it... or not) authentic community.
I come here in want of such communities, I have had a hard time finding them I think. Thank you for this!
So much inspiration coming from this latest newsletter! As usual, I fully agree with Courtney and whatever Parker Palmer has written. Hooray for universal dental care as Sharron leaves now for her next root canal. (ouch!). Since there's a reference to Christian gospel, I'll add wisdom first, from the Bhagavad Gita: the truly enlightened person "sees the self in all creatures and all creatures in the self." (6th Teaching: verse 29). Or from the Hebrew sacred texts: "To love one's fellow man as oneself." "Not to requite evil for evil". And Hillel: "loving peace, and pursuing peace, loving [thy]fellow creatures." ("Ethics of the Fathers", pp.44,142-3). My contemporary favorite is Thich Nhat Hanh: "True love is made up of four elements: loving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity." ("How to Love", p.16). Thanks again for this opportunity to share! DD
Love this so much! The "subjunctive" community... what might be... and open-ended questions that don't impoverish the person(s). Thank you for creating this feeling of community online too ;)
Probably more than any other piece since I've been reading your newsletter this gets a massive YES!
The assumption of worthiness.
And this: The older I get, the more out of love I fall with these spaces and the more obsessed I become with the alternative: communities where you can count on a welcome, a carton of milk or a glass of wine, a chair and an open-ended question no matter who you are, no matter where you’re from, no matter what else you’ve done or who you’ve been.
Actually I could quote most of it. The last paragraph especially. Yes! Yes! Yes!
What a beautiful, galvanizing piece this is. Thank you for it.
What a powerful guiding principle for building your life... And what better way to model and teach radical acceptance, of yourself and others, to your kids.
But is there still a place for auditions in our lives? I'm at that phase in parenting where my eldest (2nd grade) is just starting to wade into "audition" territory... her soccer team is starting to lose the most competitive players who want to try out for a competitive team, there will be tests to track kids in math starting next year, and on and on. On the one hand, some of these "auditions" will help my child find their place and get appropriate attention to meet their talents, but on the other hand, it is an act of assigning value and worth that doesn't feel right...
Exquisite. I would like to spend the last quarter of my life in such a community. 💗
So beautifully articulated, Courtney. I work in a church and still find myself searching for the kind of no audition community you describe. Thank you!!
I’m late to commenting here. Apologies. I so appreciate this post! I really needed this today! It gives me a beacon to help guide my path as a cultivate new communities in my retirement years. Thank you so much, wise Courtney!
Ah this one speaks to my soul and heart. This is how the nurses during my treatment show up, it’s how the mothers donating breast milk for my little one come to the table. All with the same love and generosity and no judgement or screening or pretenses. The opposite of capitalist, corporate America and the foundation on which humans have always been designed to operate. God the world would be good if we all lived like this. Thanks Courtney for shining a light ❤️🌈
Just beautiful! I'm tempted after seeing the other thoughtful comments to come up with something deeper to say, but I just came here to say this was beautiful, so anything else now would be an audition. Beautiful, Courtney! Thank you for this.