It’s easy for me to remember the least humble season in my life. Interestingly, it followed the most insecure transition in my life. Coincidence? I think not. I was home in Colorado Springs for the summer after my first year at an Ivy League college in New York City. My parents both went to Colorado State University, so naturally, it was my job to tell them about the thinkers—Mary Wollstonecraft, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, bell hooks—they’d missed in their middle class hum drum existence. I had opinions on everything. Strong opinions. I wore all black. (And yes, I threw up Captain Morgan’s rum on the beige living room rug after drinking too much, but that was in no way an indication of my general sophistication.)
what a great essay about uncertainty. I'm navigating a lengthy divorce right now which has just entered the mediation phase, and my whole life is up for grabs. Yesterday my husband acted cold and hard towards me and broke my heart again (though I know it was a rational way for him to be. My heart hadn't yet gotten the message.) And he said some things from his point of view which made me question my assumptions. I'm working on integrating his perceptions into mine, wanting to understand him more and better, wanting to connect, knowing that's no longer possible in the ways it was. Holding the grief. The Grief. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done - to learn to hold both Black and White at the same time and to find the Grey where there is overlap and connection and shifts in perception - and Grief.
Dear courtney.....It is always a joy to see what you have to say. I need to tell you that today because I am out of touch with everything and everybody.....feeling so overwhelmed by the accretions of age, so worried about election.... But I was that Freshman. I remain that Freshman. I still wonder what Hueristic means. keep up the good work.
Courtney, so much of this resonates with me. I have been wrestling with staying small when perhaps that is a narrative of my place in the world that isn’t quite right sized. The sense of existential wobble is such a healthy growing edge space to be every so often so that we can examine what we hold to be true, ask said “truth” good and beautiful questions, and then with wonder in hand, learn from others and grow….
This message resonates with me powerfully because I recall Courtney coming into her own at Barnard. I was there, and now I’m extremely gratified to have played a role in her intellectual development. It definitely ranks as among my fondest memories from the 4 decades I spent as a Barnard professor. Thanks Courtney for giving me this memorable experience, so eloquently expressed here.
Great post; I love the idea of tolerating "existential distress." I'm reminded of that great Ted Lasso dart scene about curiosity, and that foundational question from the Gottmans: are you open to influence? In our society, we're taught not to be (especially those of us socialized male) and it does a great disservice.
Wow, beautifully written and very intellectually humble. Thanks for this Courtney. I appreciated the tips in the quiz too. Wouldn’t have thought of seeking out awe. What a fun strategy!
Excellent point about arrogance being born from living in a silo of ideas. If you only hear one side from family, friends, coworkers, and others, you begin to forget that there is another side. This results in you being "right without reservation". Thanks for the post!
what a great essay about uncertainty. I'm navigating a lengthy divorce right now which has just entered the mediation phase, and my whole life is up for grabs. Yesterday my husband acted cold and hard towards me and broke my heart again (though I know it was a rational way for him to be. My heart hadn't yet gotten the message.) And he said some things from his point of view which made me question my assumptions. I'm working on integrating his perceptions into mine, wanting to understand him more and better, wanting to connect, knowing that's no longer possible in the ways it was. Holding the grief. The Grief. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done - to learn to hold both Black and White at the same time and to find the Grey where there is overlap and connection and shifts in perception - and Grief.
It is damned hard to be human sometimes.
Dear courtney.....It is always a joy to see what you have to say. I need to tell you that today because I am out of touch with everything and everybody.....feeling so overwhelmed by the accretions of age, so worried about election.... But I was that Freshman. I remain that Freshman. I still wonder what Hueristic means. keep up the good work.
Courtney, so much of this resonates with me. I have been wrestling with staying small when perhaps that is a narrative of my place in the world that isn’t quite right sized. The sense of existential wobble is such a healthy growing edge space to be every so often so that we can examine what we hold to be true, ask said “truth” good and beautiful questions, and then with wonder in hand, learn from others and grow….
"We humans are such creatures of pendulation."
Love this clever wordplay. 😊
marvelous. thank you.
This message resonates with me powerfully because I recall Courtney coming into her own at Barnard. I was there, and now I’m extremely gratified to have played a role in her intellectual development. It definitely ranks as among my fondest memories from the 4 decades I spent as a Barnard professor. Thanks Courtney for giving me this memorable experience, so eloquently expressed here.
DD
Great post; I love the idea of tolerating "existential distress." I'm reminded of that great Ted Lasso dart scene about curiosity, and that foundational question from the Gottmans: are you open to influence? In our society, we're taught not to be (especially those of us socialized male) and it does a great disservice.
Wow, beautifully written and very intellectually humble. Thanks for this Courtney. I appreciated the tips in the quiz too. Wouldn’t have thought of seeking out awe. What a fun strategy!
Excellent point about arrogance being born from living in a silo of ideas. If you only hear one side from family, friends, coworkers, and others, you begin to forget that there is another side. This results in you being "right without reservation". Thanks for the post!