This beautiful piece arrived, for me, on the most perfect day to receive its wisdom. This kind of perspective-shifting (or, more accurately, “clicking into place”) is the reason I read and write. Very grateful for the release from feeling I have to choose one worldview and stick to it. It can all be true—horror and beauty, devastation and hope. I am a solutions-minded person too, and I often have to remind myself to sit with the problem and not jump over it to the glorious day when it’s growth-oriented purpose has revealed itself and been implemented. That’s the harder part, especially when it is others’ pain, especially especially my kids’ (and the pain of the world they are inheriting.) thank you for this.
I’ve had to be reminded of this over and over. Recently though, as I was processing something really emotionally painful, my intuitive/healer taught me a new way of thinking about these paradoxes, which she describes as integration (maybe an ironic term considering Learning in Public!), i.e., including ALL the stuff. I was like, OK, yeah, let me chew on that. A week later, I circled back to her, seeking some tools to help me get this integration thing. She suggested this: Imagine a river in front of your body that’s trying to flow through you, front through back. It contains hard stuff you’ve experienced or are currently grappling with along with all the sweetness of your life. Imagine softening and letting it through. Visualize this daily until it’s running through you effortlessly.
This is so great, and so true. I've been noticing lately that all my different selves come to the driver's seat at different times. I'm aware right now that as the summer starts to wane, I'm beginning a slow turning-in towards family and slower time and experience. The summer was hugely expansive, where I took on too much and went charging out into the world. It was fun; I'm glad it's coming to an end. I'm tired and want to watch the leaves change and then listen to the fire crackle.
If I'm not paying attention to one truth in one season, I have to trust that it will let itself rest in me as the year turns.
Speaking of holding two truths at once, as I get older I'm better at holding the truth of everything at once and also still tend to focus my attention on what's not working at the same time. It's a daily, sometimes hourly, practice of telescoping my attention out from the tree to the forest. Some days are better than others.
Us bisexual/pansexual/queer people get pretty comfy with multiple truths too! And yet, we still struggle with this because minds aren’t built to hold every input constantly. It would be very difficult to function that way.
There are so many ways to be mindful and it doesn’t always involve expanded awareness. You can also go deep into a single sensation and let everything else fall to the background. That’s a legitimate and important form of meditation -- having an object where you rest the attention.
I would say when you noticed your mental state during shavasana, you were being mindful. A lot of the time the mind runs around and we don’t even realize it’s happening, so awareness of that process is worth celebrating.
It's a powerful truth, being discussed by you, Richard Rohr, Kate Bowler...perhaps it's emerging because it's essential right now - especially in North America.
I hadn't thought of it as it applied specifically to my body. Thanks for this, Courtney :) I like it.
Love this piece. And I had to go look it about the trends graph lol. This WSJ piece came out right before the spike in searches, and its headline is the biggest search phrase including "toxic positivity."
Aug 17, 2022·edited Aug 17, 2022Liked by Courtney Martin
Lovely piece Courtney…it resonated with me on multiple levels (yoga, processing hard things while also trying to appreciate the daily good things in life and remaining able to “be in the moment” with family and friends, and more).
Here's a possibility for why you keep needing to be told multiple things can be true at once, or why any of us may have a hard time accepting a new, very reasonable perspective, even when we are convinced on an intellectual level..
You remember, probably, Daniel Kahneman's idea of Thinking Fast and Slow? The fast path, the automatic path, contains our most ingrained beliefs and impulses. It rides in first.
The Slow path is the path that involves reasoning, which is to say that the Slow path involves cognitive demand. It comes in moments after the fast path. React first, think second.
When we are stretched, busy with many things, thinking about many things, we exhaust our cognitive energy temporarily in the sense of not being able to process anything more simultaneously. Or at least not to process well.
Then the fast path ideas are the ones in charge for the moment, at least in some areas of our lives. For you, not holding multiple truths simultaneously may be your Fast path model.
I'm your Enneagram 7 woman with smile lines and a slight limp who loves the multitudinous nature of life and soberly spreads solutions. I can't live any other way! My teen is a 4 and my toxic positivity drives her nuts. Seriously, though, my journey has been better understanding that not all people see the world in the same way. Duh. Thanks for your story!
I relate to so much of this. Thank you for it. And I just ordered a copy of your paperback from BOOKS ARE MAGIC for friends of mine who will be challenged by it in interesting ways, I think.
Hi Courtney. I am glad I found you. I live in Fair Oaks Ecohousing. I enjoy your perspective and find it refreshing to read what is hard to say and yet true. Toxic positivity is interesting. Some call it spiritual bypassing? I've been wondering about my spirit of peace-making. Where does enthusiasm differ from toxic positivity? Where does hope undergird optimistic "Yes we can" spirit vs overbearingly refusing pain and discomfort. Where does my commitment to creativity, play and humor turn toward unbearable whiteness and privilege? As a teacher of body wisdom and improvisation (InterPlay cofounder) a "yes, and" approach is body wise cuz there is really only an and. Bodies are universes of complexity. I love your personality trait descriptors too. Makes me laugh. At 67 I find self knowledge to be intriguing and lacking. I end each day with the usual personality lows as highs. The bodily hard drive where personality takes hold seems resolute. Do I improve? Add family and cohousing drama and as we say, "Well, see, there we go!" I am looking beyond improvement at this point. I like to think I am getting more skillful in the attempt to arrive in the next moment as a peaceful and quirky soul. For now, I will follow honest people who share the path. Like i said, glad I found you.
I'm both, although I tend more to multitudinous truth with every year I'm alive. Decades ago I learned a deeply moving tool of drawing my life up till then as a river. I drew and labeled it with all the S-curves, unexpected waterfalls, rocks in the middle, steep cliffs, muddy marshes, slow shallows, etc. You reminded me of this and I'm going to do it again soon.
Perfect. Thank you
As Kate Bowler says...Life is so beautiful, life is so hard. Two truths, all at once.
This beautiful piece arrived, for me, on the most perfect day to receive its wisdom. This kind of perspective-shifting (or, more accurately, “clicking into place”) is the reason I read and write. Very grateful for the release from feeling I have to choose one worldview and stick to it. It can all be true—horror and beauty, devastation and hope. I am a solutions-minded person too, and I often have to remind myself to sit with the problem and not jump over it to the glorious day when it’s growth-oriented purpose has revealed itself and been implemented. That’s the harder part, especially when it is others’ pain, especially especially my kids’ (and the pain of the world they are inheriting.) thank you for this.
I’ve had to be reminded of this over and over. Recently though, as I was processing something really emotionally painful, my intuitive/healer taught me a new way of thinking about these paradoxes, which she describes as integration (maybe an ironic term considering Learning in Public!), i.e., including ALL the stuff. I was like, OK, yeah, let me chew on that. A week later, I circled back to her, seeking some tools to help me get this integration thing. She suggested this: Imagine a river in front of your body that’s trying to flow through you, front through back. It contains hard stuff you’ve experienced or are currently grappling with along with all the sweetness of your life. Imagine softening and letting it through. Visualize this daily until it’s running through you effortlessly.
This is so great, and so true. I've been noticing lately that all my different selves come to the driver's seat at different times. I'm aware right now that as the summer starts to wane, I'm beginning a slow turning-in towards family and slower time and experience. The summer was hugely expansive, where I took on too much and went charging out into the world. It was fun; I'm glad it's coming to an end. I'm tired and want to watch the leaves change and then listen to the fire crackle.
If I'm not paying attention to one truth in one season, I have to trust that it will let itself rest in me as the year turns.
Speaking of holding two truths at once, as I get older I'm better at holding the truth of everything at once and also still tend to focus my attention on what's not working at the same time. It's a daily, sometimes hourly, practice of telescoping my attention out from the tree to the forest. Some days are better than others.
This resonated so much!
Loved reading, thanks for sharing.
Us bisexual/pansexual/queer people get pretty comfy with multiple truths too! And yet, we still struggle with this because minds aren’t built to hold every input constantly. It would be very difficult to function that way.
There are so many ways to be mindful and it doesn’t always involve expanded awareness. You can also go deep into a single sensation and let everything else fall to the background. That’s a legitimate and important form of meditation -- having an object where you rest the attention.
I would say when you noticed your mental state during shavasana, you were being mindful. A lot of the time the mind runs around and we don’t even realize it’s happening, so awareness of that process is worth celebrating.
It's a powerful truth, being discussed by you, Richard Rohr, Kate Bowler...perhaps it's emerging because it's essential right now - especially in North America.
I hadn't thought of it as it applied specifically to my body. Thanks for this, Courtney :) I like it.
Love this piece. And I had to go look it about the trends graph lol. This WSJ piece came out right before the spike in searches, and its headline is the biggest search phrase including "toxic positivity."
https://www.wsj.com/articles/tired-of-being-told-cheer-up-the-problem-of-toxic-positivity-11635858001
Congrats on the paperback!
Lovely piece Courtney…it resonated with me on multiple levels (yoga, processing hard things while also trying to appreciate the daily good things in life and remaining able to “be in the moment” with family and friends, and more).
Here's a possibility for why you keep needing to be told multiple things can be true at once, or why any of us may have a hard time accepting a new, very reasonable perspective, even when we are convinced on an intellectual level..
You remember, probably, Daniel Kahneman's idea of Thinking Fast and Slow? The fast path, the automatic path, contains our most ingrained beliefs and impulses. It rides in first.
The Slow path is the path that involves reasoning, which is to say that the Slow path involves cognitive demand. It comes in moments after the fast path. React first, think second.
When we are stretched, busy with many things, thinking about many things, we exhaust our cognitive energy temporarily in the sense of not being able to process anything more simultaneously. Or at least not to process well.
Then the fast path ideas are the ones in charge for the moment, at least in some areas of our lives. For you, not holding multiple truths simultaneously may be your Fast path model.
I'm your Enneagram 7 woman with smile lines and a slight limp who loves the multitudinous nature of life and soberly spreads solutions. I can't live any other way! My teen is a 4 and my toxic positivity drives her nuts. Seriously, though, my journey has been better understanding that not all people see the world in the same way. Duh. Thanks for your story!
I relate to so much of this. Thank you for it. And I just ordered a copy of your paperback from BOOKS ARE MAGIC for friends of mine who will be challenged by it in interesting ways, I think.
Hi Courtney. I am glad I found you. I live in Fair Oaks Ecohousing. I enjoy your perspective and find it refreshing to read what is hard to say and yet true. Toxic positivity is interesting. Some call it spiritual bypassing? I've been wondering about my spirit of peace-making. Where does enthusiasm differ from toxic positivity? Where does hope undergird optimistic "Yes we can" spirit vs overbearingly refusing pain and discomfort. Where does my commitment to creativity, play and humor turn toward unbearable whiteness and privilege? As a teacher of body wisdom and improvisation (InterPlay cofounder) a "yes, and" approach is body wise cuz there is really only an and. Bodies are universes of complexity. I love your personality trait descriptors too. Makes me laugh. At 67 I find self knowledge to be intriguing and lacking. I end each day with the usual personality lows as highs. The bodily hard drive where personality takes hold seems resolute. Do I improve? Add family and cohousing drama and as we say, "Well, see, there we go!" I am looking beyond improvement at this point. I like to think I am getting more skillful in the attempt to arrive in the next moment as a peaceful and quirky soul. For now, I will follow honest people who share the path. Like i said, glad I found you.
I'm both, although I tend more to multitudinous truth with every year I'm alive. Decades ago I learned a deeply moving tool of drawing my life up till then as a river. I drew and labeled it with all the S-curves, unexpected waterfalls, rocks in the middle, steep cliffs, muddy marshes, slow shallows, etc. You reminded me of this and I'm going to do it again soon.