LOVE THIS! I'm the older sister and so much like Maya. My sister is 18 months younger and so much like Stella. I'm a very precise and somewhat contained writer/editor. My house is very neat. My sister is a hospice social worker who deals only in big feelings. She does not put a premium on tidiness. We're very close, and I'm so so grateful to have her in my life.
I adore your girls! In all of my 86 years, I’ve never been called “bro” by my four grandchildren. This tells me that there’s a high degree of “emotional intelligence” in your family because the connections are deeply rooted. Congratulations on what you’re achieving now and foundations for the future!
Courtney , your story puts a gigantic smile on my face and laughter in my 76 year old heart.
You go girl, lovin’ mama , perceptive leader of your pack ! How lucky your whole crew is to have you . I also deeply appreciate your articles about dementia as my hubby of 53 years is in the beginning stages .
Courtney, we met at an event in Utah years ago, & your writing continues to amaze & sustain me. Lots of love to you & your family as you navigate so many life changes together, & all the accompanying feels. Thank you for the wonderful work you continue to do in our world, across time & generations.
Oh, what a gorgeous piece, Courtney. 🥹 It's lovely to see how attuned you are to your girls' emotions and hopes and fears. I want to get better at fully registering someone's feelings the way you did with Stella—two simple, but powerful sentences (and a Kleenex!). Sometimes we make things more complicated than they need to be. Few things compare to being seen and seeing another.
wonderful ! your essays and stories are always meaningful, inspiring and so close to the heart. and after all you are a beautiful, amazing mother and human being. Sometimes i am feel jealous to you sometimes to your people . But I am lucky to have found you here . I should be content
I m 45 year old and was and has been like Stellea . I started therapy just 3 years ago. way overdue . and in the middle o crisis and grief.
I wish my people could just see me and acknowledge my feelings but they thought that acknowledgement means validation and approval of what they do not( happen to have a stoic , contained husband !) and traditional parents who believes not to feed and support the drama by acknowledgement but supporting me in any action that would get me out of that situation. I mourned for my lost stuff. I put sentimental value on things and events . I cant let go easily and sometimes al I need is just being seen for few minutes and I did not know it for years . all i I knew that there must be something wrong with me . something that cant not convey , I am misunderstood. There must be something wrong either with me or them or all . I hated living. Thank s Courtney for share your practical wisdom. here I certainly feel less alone.
As an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), who was repeatedly told during childhood that I was "too sensitive" (code for knock it off/pull yourself together), I love how you're intuitively navigating/supporting Maya's and Stella's very different styles of processing emotions. Especially at a time of major transition when emotions are likely running high. (Also noting possibly related aside -- strep throat/illness at the throat chakra, the center of emotion/communication -- just as you were moving. Hopefully behind you by now!)
❤️❤️❤️ I so love to hear about the girls! And identify so much w Stella’s desire for “drama but not that much”!! Yay for generational bonding over AGT!
Courtney- I know what it’s like to have children and elders in my home and care. Wow!!! I did it without family nearby while working as a pastor. oi. Love is like that though. I’m also one of the highly sensitive people. 1/5 of population. So all sensations are more intense. Check out the Orchid and the Dandelion book if you haven’t by a retired SF pediatrician. There is a lot of research now about sensitives. One thing I learned about storytelling ethics as a clergy is not to tell other peoples stories without permission. Especially family members. I feel uncomfortable reading about your daughters in this format. They are young and don’t get to have a say in their exposure. Pretty big power imbalance. I know you examine these things and your incredible writing and service to us all is deeply valued.
Yes, I think a lot about the ethics of storytelling and have my whole career. It's an art, not a science. But in this case discussed this newsletter with both girls, thus the "It's confidential, bro."
I trust your trust and judgment, bro! :) The proof is in the pudding — the sensitive understanding you’ve devoted to your kids’ needs shows up heartily in what you share about how you communicate with them and the strongly rooted bonds you have forged. I also trust that the above comment came from a well-meaning place, but it feels like an overstep that does not sit right with me.
I love this Courtney! You paint a loving picture of the rollicking ride of feelings in your daughters and with all you’re holding navigating right now. Fertile ground for your own BIG feelings!
I love this Courtney! You paint a loving picture of the rollicking ride of feelings in your daughters and with all you’re holding navigating right now. Fertile ground for your own BIG feelings!
Such a charming and resonant piece. Thank you, Courtney! I wish you could hear a recording of my “Maya” at 6 improvisationally belting out in an impassioned but almost mournful, and endearingly off-key voice, “The love song in my hearttttt is the one I’m living out. I can’t hold it in my heart anymoooooore.”Meanwhile through body language, I tried to hold my 8-year-old “Stella’s” side eye in check so as not to interrupt the heartfelt outpouring. Now my girls are in college. But the basic temperaments remain. Meanwhile I’ve done some therapeutic work with kids in public schools, and have a great suggestion for Maya’s next birthday, if you haven’t already heard of it — kimochis! I actually like their marketing tagline: “On the surface, we’re a family of cuddly critters and a big bowl of emotions. Underneath, we’re a proven system for helping kids grow and transform by dealing skillfully with their feelings.” In my experience, kids LOVE them and they are wonderful for supporting emotional development in ways additive to what you are already doing so well.
Ah, I wondered if the Playmobil character who died was a man, whether they were processing about the road ahead for the grandpa. We have a grandpa in my Playmobile set now back in action after nearly thirty years for my grandson.
I do love that your children share important aspects of their current states of mind with you. My daughters did too.
One aspect of raising, or teaching, children is receiving unexpected vocabularies with inevitable surprise. During one interval of my career, I taught middle school. Now if you heard me speak, you would know my speech is entirely devoid of slang. Imagine my surprise when one of my students, a girl of about thirteen, referred to me affectionately as Dude!
LOVE THIS! I'm the older sister and so much like Maya. My sister is 18 months younger and so much like Stella. I'm a very precise and somewhat contained writer/editor. My house is very neat. My sister is a hospice social worker who deals only in big feelings. She does not put a premium on tidiness. We're very close, and I'm so so grateful to have her in my life.
I love hearing that.
I adore your girls! In all of my 86 years, I’ve never been called “bro” by my four grandchildren. This tells me that there’s a high degree of “emotional intelligence” in your family because the connections are deeply rooted. Congratulations on what you’re achieving now and foundations for the future!
DD
Courtney , your story puts a gigantic smile on my face and laughter in my 76 year old heart.
You go girl, lovin’ mama , perceptive leader of your pack ! How lucky your whole crew is to have you . I also deeply appreciate your articles about dementia as my hubby of 53 years is in the beginning stages .
You are a gifted writer for sure . Thank you !
Sending you big love & solidarity.
Courtney, we met at an event in Utah years ago, & your writing continues to amaze & sustain me. Lots of love to you & your family as you navigate so many life changes together, & all the accompanying feels. Thank you for the wonderful work you continue to do in our world, across time & generations.
Thank you so much, Mary!
Oh, what a gorgeous piece, Courtney. 🥹 It's lovely to see how attuned you are to your girls' emotions and hopes and fears. I want to get better at fully registering someone's feelings the way you did with Stella—two simple, but powerful sentences (and a Kleenex!). Sometimes we make things more complicated than they need to be. Few things compare to being seen and seeing another.
wonderful ! your essays and stories are always meaningful, inspiring and so close to the heart. and after all you are a beautiful, amazing mother and human being. Sometimes i am feel jealous to you sometimes to your people . But I am lucky to have found you here . I should be content
I m 45 year old and was and has been like Stellea . I started therapy just 3 years ago. way overdue . and in the middle o crisis and grief.
I wish my people could just see me and acknowledge my feelings but they thought that acknowledgement means validation and approval of what they do not( happen to have a stoic , contained husband !) and traditional parents who believes not to feed and support the drama by acknowledgement but supporting me in any action that would get me out of that situation. I mourned for my lost stuff. I put sentimental value on things and events . I cant let go easily and sometimes al I need is just being seen for few minutes and I did not know it for years . all i I knew that there must be something wrong with me . something that cant not convey , I am misunderstood. There must be something wrong either with me or them or all . I hated living. Thank s Courtney for share your practical wisdom. here I certainly feel less alone.
As an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), who was repeatedly told during childhood that I was "too sensitive" (code for knock it off/pull yourself together), I love how you're intuitively navigating/supporting Maya's and Stella's very different styles of processing emotions. Especially at a time of major transition when emotions are likely running high. (Also noting possibly related aside -- strep throat/illness at the throat chakra, the center of emotion/communication -- just as you were moving. Hopefully behind you by now!)
❤️❤️❤️ I so love to hear about the girls! And identify so much w Stella’s desire for “drama but not that much”!! Yay for generational bonding over AGT!
Courtney- I know what it’s like to have children and elders in my home and care. Wow!!! I did it without family nearby while working as a pastor. oi. Love is like that though. I’m also one of the highly sensitive people. 1/5 of population. So all sensations are more intense. Check out the Orchid and the Dandelion book if you haven’t by a retired SF pediatrician. There is a lot of research now about sensitives. One thing I learned about storytelling ethics as a clergy is not to tell other peoples stories without permission. Especially family members. I feel uncomfortable reading about your daughters in this format. They are young and don’t get to have a say in their exposure. Pretty big power imbalance. I know you examine these things and your incredible writing and service to us all is deeply valued.
Yes, I think a lot about the ethics of storytelling and have my whole career. It's an art, not a science. But in this case discussed this newsletter with both girls, thus the "It's confidential, bro."
I trust your trust and judgment, bro! :) The proof is in the pudding — the sensitive understanding you’ve devoted to your kids’ needs shows up heartily in what you share about how you communicate with them and the strongly rooted bonds you have forged. I also trust that the above comment came from a well-meaning place, but it feels like an overstep that does not sit right with me.
That's the way to do - be emotionally open with them. Plus, make your respect clearly visible for their very individual selves. Hugs to you.
Loved this — the humor, the helplessness, the love.... And always LOVE reading about you and your daughters, after raising two sons. ❤️
I resonate with feeling jarred by someone a lot younger calling me bro.
I love this Courtney! You paint a loving picture of the rollicking ride of feelings in your daughters and with all you’re holding navigating right now. Fertile ground for your own BIG feelings!
I love this Courtney! You paint a loving picture of the rollicking ride of feelings in your daughters and with all you’re holding navigating right now. Fertile ground for your own BIG feelings!
Such a charming and resonant piece. Thank you, Courtney! I wish you could hear a recording of my “Maya” at 6 improvisationally belting out in an impassioned but almost mournful, and endearingly off-key voice, “The love song in my hearttttt is the one I’m living out. I can’t hold it in my heart anymoooooore.”Meanwhile through body language, I tried to hold my 8-year-old “Stella’s” side eye in check so as not to interrupt the heartfelt outpouring. Now my girls are in college. But the basic temperaments remain. Meanwhile I’ve done some therapeutic work with kids in public schools, and have a great suggestion for Maya’s next birthday, if you haven’t already heard of it — kimochis! I actually like their marketing tagline: “On the surface, we’re a family of cuddly critters and a big bowl of emotions. Underneath, we’re a proven system for helping kids grow and transform by dealing skillfully with their feelings.” In my experience, kids LOVE them and they are wonderful for supporting emotional development in ways additive to what you are already doing so well.
Thanks for the rec, Amy!
Brings tears to my eyes.
Ah, I wondered if the Playmobil character who died was a man, whether they were processing about the road ahead for the grandpa. We have a grandpa in my Playmobile set now back in action after nearly thirty years for my grandson.
I do love that your children share important aspects of their current states of mind with you. My daughters did too.
One aspect of raising, or teaching, children is receiving unexpected vocabularies with inevitable surprise. During one interval of my career, I taught middle school. Now if you heard me speak, you would know my speech is entirely devoid of slang. Imagine my surprise when one of my students, a girl of about thirteen, referred to me affectionately as Dude!