Honestly, I stay human by staying off zoom as much as I can. Which I know is not practical for many folks.
Some online gatherings are a gift, some are distractions. Sometimes we still have to go to the distractions.
I sifted out some criteria to help me decide whether to "attend" a zoom event (assuming it's something not otherwise required, like a work meeting). YMMV, of course, but I do think the exercise of looking for personal criteria is clarifying. Mine are something like this:
1) My presence is nourishing and/or helpful for both myself and other attendees.
2) The gathering is relatively small. (I am more-than-usually sensitive to external stimuli; it's good for me to limit the number of folks I am talking or listening to at a given time. This is especially important for online gatherings because the rules of both verbal and non-verbal engagement are different than in person, and so less familiar to navigate.)
3) The gathering cannot be better facilitated in another way. (For example, I avoid family zooms. We had no tradition of those before COVID, and I would, as before, rather call my relatives individually on the phone, or exchange letters.)
4) No more than 1-2 online events per week. Other than work, no standing online events that take place more often than about once a month. (My goodness does this keep my stress level down. In fact, this is similar to what I was beginning to learn with physical events before COVID—only it didn't seem possible to stick to, back then. COVID has shown me how sanity-inducing, for me personally, it actually is to limit how often I gather with more than just a one or two people. How to balance this with my obligations and my desires to be helpful as a community member is still difficult!)
When I do have to (or choose to) zoom, I often turn off my camera for some or all of the duration. It relieves the stress of needing to appear a certain way.
If I keep my self-view on, it's exactly as you said, Courtney: I feel like I can't keep my eyes from straying to make sure I look interested/my hair isn't too weird.
I'm not helped by turning self-view off. If can't "feel" my coworkers or friends with me, I still feel alone in the room, and I often forget folks can see me. Which is anxiety-inducing when suddenly you remember it!
Honestly, I stay human by staying off zoom as much as I can. Which I know is not practical for many folks.
Some online gatherings are a gift, some are distractions. Sometimes we still have to go to the distractions.
I sifted out some criteria to help me decide whether to "attend" a zoom event (assuming it's something not otherwise required, like a work meeting). YMMV, of course, but I do think the exercise of looking for personal criteria is clarifying. Mine are something like this:
1) My presence is nourishing and/or helpful for both myself and other attendees.
2) The gathering is relatively small. (I am more-than-usually sensitive to external stimuli; it's good for me to limit the number of folks I am talking or listening to at a given time. This is especially important for online gatherings because the rules of both verbal and non-verbal engagement are different than in person, and so less familiar to navigate.)
3) The gathering cannot be better facilitated in another way. (For example, I avoid family zooms. We had no tradition of those before COVID, and I would, as before, rather call my relatives individually on the phone, or exchange letters.)
4) No more than 1-2 online events per week. Other than work, no standing online events that take place more often than about once a month. (My goodness does this keep my stress level down. In fact, this is similar to what I was beginning to learn with physical events before COVID—only it didn't seem possible to stick to, back then. COVID has shown me how sanity-inducing, for me personally, it actually is to limit how often I gather with more than just a one or two people. How to balance this with my obligations and my desires to be helpful as a community member is still difficult!)
I am so impressed with the intention you are bringing to this moment. BRAVA!
When I do have to (or choose to) zoom, I often turn off my camera for some or all of the duration. It relieves the stress of needing to appear a certain way.
If I keep my self-view on, it's exactly as you said, Courtney: I feel like I can't keep my eyes from straying to make sure I look interested/my hair isn't too weird.
I'm not helped by turning self-view off. If can't "feel" my coworkers or friends with me, I still feel alone in the room, and I often forget folks can see me. Which is anxiety-inducing when suddenly you remember it!