One of my favorite days of the year is the Black History Month performance at my kids’ school. It involves 300 or so kids taking to a dinky stage in the “multi-purpose room” (aka gym/theater/cafeteria/everythingelse), one class at a time, to sing and dance to the Sulwe Song, recite “And Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou, and/or generally invoke the names and ideas of Black heroes—some long dead, some standing in front of their own classrooms each day. Our school goes deep on everything from Black Panthers to Black Lives Matters, Rosa Parks to Marsha P. Johnson, Malcolm X to, well yes, Steph Curry (it’s Oakland, after all).
As a White woman who grew up in exactly the kind of environment that you all are raising your girls-- one of few white students in a majority Black public school in a majority Black city (DC)-- I applaud you for making the choices you're making, doing the intentional work you're doing as a parent and a citizen, because it really does matter. Does growing up that way give me a pass on racism? Absolutely not. But it does give me a particular perspective on race and particularly Whiteness that most White people in America lack, which I wouldn't trade for anything.
One of the most insidious aspects of Whiteness is how it normalizes itself and implicitly calls into question anything outside of itself. So, when White kids never, ever see a figure of authority in their lives (teacher, crossing guard, police officer, city council member, etc.) until maybe when they get to be adults they don't know how to process BIPOC as authority figures. They have been trained to resist it without even realizing it. When White children aren't surrounded by children of color (like, really surrounded. Not that there are a handful of token BIPOC children in their whole school) so that their social environment doesn't center them implicitly, then they never learn how to just interact with people as people, not as representatives of a group that feels somehow foreign, different, or implicitly "abnormal".
Raising children the way you are does trouble the notion of Whiteness on a really essential level, even if it doesn't fix everything. Your daughters will move through the world in a way that threatens the notion of their own supremacy. They will be able to see through the categorization of people and the implicit hierarchies of human value that are at the heart of White supremacy, and we need that. We need them.
Is growing up like they are always easy? Nope. But growing up is hard for all kinds of people. It seems to me you're choosing the right kind of hard.
I miss elementary school auditoriums and the magic that happens there.
Let me add a few more images- the baby chuckling in the audience to hear his sister's voice from the stage, the toddler climbing his best up the stairs to be part of it all, the little older toddler saying loudly in the audience at every break in the action: "I wonder what's going to happen!"
And the audience smiling at the way an elementary school is a family place.
I love this and I want it to all be true! I teach at NYU and my students give me so much hope. They are informed. They vote. They support each other’s identities and consider multiple pov and experiences. I prefer them to many adults :) At the same time I’m raising a biracial black child and I had several discouraging experiences lately. The neighborhood school has no DEI curriculum and hardly any Black students despite being in nyc and no plans to change those things. White patents at the playground question “identity politics” and question safe spaces and “CRT.” What will their kids, my child’s playmates, absorb? If they don’t learn in books and at school, where will they? I want to believe!!
This is such an apt and lovely description of what is the best part of being a participant in OUSD. The imperfect, beautiful OUSD I love watching my children attend. We are sometimes uncomfortable, always struggling with real world inequities, but usually filled with the joy and beauty of our inequitable, interesting, complicated, beautiful, struggling, art-filled city. I base my school choice (OUSD public) on the qualities I want to promote in my children: integrity, generosity, curiosity and resilience, often also returning to the Barbara Kingsolver quote from Animal Dreams: "...the possibility that kids might one day grow up to be neither the destroyers nor the destroyed." That is my hope for my children and, also, all of Oakland's kids.
It’s inspiring to see how Courtney reinforces her words with actions by not only writing a recent book on parenting in school but participating in the whole practice. Thanks for setting such a stellar example of putting theory into practice! DD
I love this so much. And I will share Sulwe's song with my 3-year-old granddaughter, and her African American first cousin of the same age. They are Ellie and Ella, and best friends! I so remember listening to a somewhat ragged rendition of a song from our little elementary school's fledgling band. A dad in the row in front of me, came in late, took a seat beside his wife, and whispered, "How is it so far?" She replied, "It's not exactly Led Zeppelin." Nonetheless, we all gave the kids thunderous applause!
This is beautiful. My kids attend our local public school and I was so happy that they were going to have more diversity in their classrooms than I ever did, but the school does next to nothing for black history month!! 💔💔💔 I have a kid with special needs so I feel like I’m already the squeaky wheel about everything, but next year I’m going to add it to my list!
Thank you for telling the story of schools like the ones both of our families love so much in a way that is big-hearted and expansive enough to include all the joy and hope and heartbreak and unanswered questions. Loving a school means both tearing up at the assemblies and wondering why you keep texting the other White parent and witnessing beautiful friendships and not knowing quite what to do about the fact that there is a pattern as to who is and isn't learning to read. Sending love, as always, from our imperfect little beloved community to yours!
Oh fantastic, thank you! I didn't know about this. I just emailed the chapter to join. This is exactly what I'm interested in--thanks so much for the connection!
As a White woman who grew up in exactly the kind of environment that you all are raising your girls-- one of few white students in a majority Black public school in a majority Black city (DC)-- I applaud you for making the choices you're making, doing the intentional work you're doing as a parent and a citizen, because it really does matter. Does growing up that way give me a pass on racism? Absolutely not. But it does give me a particular perspective on race and particularly Whiteness that most White people in America lack, which I wouldn't trade for anything.
One of the most insidious aspects of Whiteness is how it normalizes itself and implicitly calls into question anything outside of itself. So, when White kids never, ever see a figure of authority in their lives (teacher, crossing guard, police officer, city council member, etc.) until maybe when they get to be adults they don't know how to process BIPOC as authority figures. They have been trained to resist it without even realizing it. When White children aren't surrounded by children of color (like, really surrounded. Not that there are a handful of token BIPOC children in their whole school) so that their social environment doesn't center them implicitly, then they never learn how to just interact with people as people, not as representatives of a group that feels somehow foreign, different, or implicitly "abnormal".
Raising children the way you are does trouble the notion of Whiteness on a really essential level, even if it doesn't fix everything. Your daughters will move through the world in a way that threatens the notion of their own supremacy. They will be able to see through the categorization of people and the implicit hierarchies of human value that are at the heart of White supremacy, and we need that. We need them.
Is growing up like they are always easy? Nope. But growing up is hard for all kinds of people. It seems to me you're choosing the right kind of hard.
I miss elementary school auditoriums and the magic that happens there.
Let me add a few more images- the baby chuckling in the audience to hear his sister's voice from the stage, the toddler climbing his best up the stairs to be part of it all, the little older toddler saying loudly in the audience at every break in the action: "I wonder what's going to happen!"
And the audience smiling at the way an elementary school is a family place.
This is so gorgeous. Thank you for offering us all such a powerful hit of hope — I sure as hell needed it. ❤️
I love this and I want it to all be true! I teach at NYU and my students give me so much hope. They are informed. They vote. They support each other’s identities and consider multiple pov and experiences. I prefer them to many adults :) At the same time I’m raising a biracial black child and I had several discouraging experiences lately. The neighborhood school has no DEI curriculum and hardly any Black students despite being in nyc and no plans to change those things. White patents at the playground question “identity politics” and question safe spaces and “CRT.” What will their kids, my child’s playmates, absorb? If they don’t learn in books and at school, where will they? I want to believe!!
This is such an apt and lovely description of what is the best part of being a participant in OUSD. The imperfect, beautiful OUSD I love watching my children attend. We are sometimes uncomfortable, always struggling with real world inequities, but usually filled with the joy and beauty of our inequitable, interesting, complicated, beautiful, struggling, art-filled city. I base my school choice (OUSD public) on the qualities I want to promote in my children: integrity, generosity, curiosity and resilience, often also returning to the Barbara Kingsolver quote from Animal Dreams: "...the possibility that kids might one day grow up to be neither the destroyers nor the destroyed." That is my hope for my children and, also, all of Oakland's kids.
This is so good and encouraging and brave and honest that it moves me to tears.
It’s inspiring to see how Courtney reinforces her words with actions by not only writing a recent book on parenting in school but participating in the whole practice. Thanks for setting such a stellar example of putting theory into practice! DD
Love this.
I love this so much. And I will share Sulwe's song with my 3-year-old granddaughter, and her African American first cousin of the same age. They are Ellie and Ella, and best friends! I so remember listening to a somewhat ragged rendition of a song from our little elementary school's fledgling band. A dad in the row in front of me, came in late, took a seat beside his wife, and whispered, "How is it so far?" She replied, "It's not exactly Led Zeppelin." Nonetheless, we all gave the kids thunderous applause!
You are feet on the ground and hopeful all at once and so doggon’ inspiring. Thank you! 💗
Yeah you're right, I'm bawling :)
This is beautiful. My kids attend our local public school and I was so happy that they were going to have more diversity in their classrooms than I ever did, but the school does next to nothing for black history month!! 💔💔💔 I have a kid with special needs so I feel like I’m already the squeaky wheel about everything, but next year I’m going to add it to my list!
Thank you for telling the story of schools like the ones both of our families love so much in a way that is big-hearted and expansive enough to include all the joy and hope and heartbreak and unanswered questions. Loving a school means both tearing up at the assemblies and wondering why you keep texting the other White parent and witnessing beautiful friendships and not knowing quite what to do about the fact that there is a pattern as to who is and isn't learning to read. Sending love, as always, from our imperfect little beloved community to yours!
Oh fantastic, thank you! I didn't know about this. I just emailed the chapter to join. This is exactly what I'm interested in--thanks so much for the connection!