Dear Judgment, What’s your deal? All of my life, I feel like I’ve been trying to distinguish between you and discernment, you and moral outrage, you and aspiration. Case in point: sometimes I think I am seeing the best in other people, what they are capable of, what they secretly dream for themselves that I know they can do and be…and it has felt like a burden to them. Like I am hovering around waiting for them to become someone else, someone better, someone more worthy of my love. What a terrible confusion–like I’ve sent a letter of admiration and faith that arrives looking like expectation and disappointment.
This commentary definitely demonstrates Courtney’s chops as a theorist, affirming the A+ that she earned in Political Theory at Barnard over 20 years ago. I’ll only add that AA teaches us the virtue and rewards of being non-judgemental. I wonder how Courtney discovers such gems as “Look Up”? What an inspiring song! We urgently need its soul spirit. Thanks so much for the desperately needed uplift as we read today about the environmental disaster in Salt Lake City. The violence being inflicted to our planet must have the most dire consequences for future generations. Wake up! DD
Courtney, I’d love to hear where “unconditional love” fits in here - a term like non-judgement that sounds good in theory but so hard to truly realize sometimes. I loved this piece - unconditionally :)
I want to invite Unintended Consequences to more of life’s parties and get lost in a good game of beer pong. So much wisdom here with a big topic so many of us grapple with. I love the letter approach and the prompt for us to consider who else in our lives needs a good talking to.
Thank you Courtney. I've read, and re-read this article as I recognize myself, and my shortcomings described all too accurately. Curiosity as an antidote is helpful. I welcome more thoughts and suggestions as to how I can move from judgmental to radical acceptance. Imagine the energy I (and others) could free up for responses and acts of kindness and love. I appreciate you challenging us, in all of our 'righteous' rantings so prevalent right now. (sigh)
Oh, wow. You're inside my psyche. This soooo resonates, and not just because I identify so much with Judgement (and its drunk cousin, Solvability) and its confusing cousin, Discernment, and not just because I don't want to "sell out," aka lose my edge, but most of all because I'm trying hard to let Radical Acceptance in. Thanks for this piece.
Hoo boy. Teasing apart judgement and discernment. Isn't that the crux? For me, it's partly about intention--the intention of judgement and discernment are different. They have different motivations. Judgement leans towards binary thinking and "greater than" thinking. Discernment leans towards curiosity and sourcing. The question I keep holding is this--how can I be an agent towards the development of others, for them to actualize more of their potential, but in a way that retains their agency, too? For me, Judgement hangs out with The Professor, so I have to constantly look for the co-developmental opportunity that could enfold us both.
Wow Courtney- this resonates with me so much, as ALL of your writing does. Such a helpful nudge for me in my daily life to remember to bring more complexity, curiosity and fun to the party! Thank you so much for consistently giving voice to hard and deep and necessary topics. Reading your pieces truly lifts my spirits and makes me feel seen. xo
This commentary definitely demonstrates Courtney’s chops as a theorist, affirming the A+ that she earned in Political Theory at Barnard over 20 years ago. I’ll only add that AA teaches us the virtue and rewards of being non-judgemental. I wonder how Courtney discovers such gems as “Look Up”? What an inspiring song! We urgently need its soul spirit. Thanks so much for the desperately needed uplift as we read today about the environmental disaster in Salt Lake City. The violence being inflicted to our planet must have the most dire consequences for future generations. Wake up! DD
Courtney, I’d love to hear where “unconditional love” fits in here - a term like non-judgement that sounds good in theory but so hard to truly realize sometimes. I loved this piece - unconditionally :)
I want to invite Unintended Consequences to more of life’s parties and get lost in a good game of beer pong. So much wisdom here with a big topic so many of us grapple with. I love the letter approach and the prompt for us to consider who else in our lives needs a good talking to.
Thank you Courtney. I've read, and re-read this article as I recognize myself, and my shortcomings described all too accurately. Curiosity as an antidote is helpful. I welcome more thoughts and suggestions as to how I can move from judgmental to radical acceptance. Imagine the energy I (and others) could free up for responses and acts of kindness and love. I appreciate you challenging us, in all of our 'righteous' rantings so prevalent right now. (sigh)
Oh, wow. You're inside my psyche. This soooo resonates, and not just because I identify so much with Judgement (and its drunk cousin, Solvability) and its confusing cousin, Discernment, and not just because I don't want to "sell out," aka lose my edge, but most of all because I'm trying hard to let Radical Acceptance in. Thanks for this piece.
Hoo boy. Teasing apart judgement and discernment. Isn't that the crux? For me, it's partly about intention--the intention of judgement and discernment are different. They have different motivations. Judgement leans towards binary thinking and "greater than" thinking. Discernment leans towards curiosity and sourcing. The question I keep holding is this--how can I be an agent towards the development of others, for them to actualize more of their potential, but in a way that retains their agency, too? For me, Judgement hangs out with The Professor, so I have to constantly look for the co-developmental opportunity that could enfold us both.
Thanks for nudge!
Yes! Radical acceptance is something I have been working towards with my children for a while. Love reading how it all comes about for you.
Wow Courtney- this resonates with me so much, as ALL of your writing does. Such a helpful nudge for me in my daily life to remember to bring more complexity, curiosity and fun to the party! Thank you so much for consistently giving voice to hard and deep and necessary topics. Reading your pieces truly lifts my spirits and makes me feel seen. xo