I just had a wonderful lunch with Rhaina Cohen of last week’s Q&A and Sarah Wheeler, my dear friend and fellow Substacker. We were talking about the opportunities and pitfalls of self-branding as a freelance writer, and I shared that I have mostly neglected being strategic about growing the platform here. I write what I need and want to write and what I hope will be useful to you. I authentically love interacting with you, especially the frequent commenters (so full of wisdom!), and every once in awhile, I remember to ask you to share or subscribe.
Courtney, you nailed it again. We ALL need to slow down - to literally smell the roses, hear bird karaoke and the chirping of young children at play. As a 70 - year-old early childhood educator I CAN still lead a class of 2 to 6 year-olds, parade with them around the playground, climb up and down the stairs. Better yet, I notice when one child seems out-of-sorts, and gently investigate. I enjoy really listening, without judging or making assumptions. I focus on What Really Matters, am free of distractions, and understand that taking time to be fully present is a priceless gift.
I am proud of my strengths - a deep interest in all living things, patience, curiosity, and a sense of wonder. These qualities are the gifts of growing older - along with a head of silver hair!
this requires that the elder humbly surround themselves with bright, passionate and energetic, younger people, who bring accurate information and help interpret it in context, to then implement the resulting decision.
Thank you for this, Courtney!!! I have been thinking about the presidency and the third act of life, and what it looks like to transition from “role” (ie president) to “soul” work (ie eldering) and what a model that could be if Biden took it on. It seems pervasive in US politics to hold onto power for as long as possible instead of sharing it far and wide.
Sharing two other questions I’m carrying about presidency topics here:
- how do I honor the grief and wisdom of my friends who are skeptical to vote for Biden in November following the genocide in Gaza, while also acknowledging we have no better option? What do we do when there is no “moral” choice?
- how do I share among the left the kind of plans the right is making - ie Project 2025, a flushed-out dystopian policy agenda - without inciting panic and fear? Can we talk about what the implications of a Trump presidency might be without furthering fear mongering? Also -- why the NYT, etc. is not talking more about this agenda is confusing to me.
What a beautiful and wise piece. As a psychologist, hearing the cacophony of comments about his age has been distressing. In the same spirit of your words, it's not that the topic doesn't merit discussion, but the way it is discussed misses the forest for the trees. Thank you for your insightful comments - love your essays.
In terms of the candidates, they are trivially different in age. There are 81 year olds who are far more thoughtful, focused, and skilled than your typical 77 year old and visa versa.
More to the point, some of the cruelest and most destructive leaders in history were much younger than either of these two candidates! Would we prefer a more recently fledged over-the-top awful person just because he is trivially or even a lot younger?
Indeed focusing on minor age differences is only a distraction from what the choice really is.
I don't disagree with you about Biden specifically or the need for our elders to inhabit places that are best-suited to their unique, individual gifts and capacities. I'm just honestly worried that the Democratic Party has not prepared themselves for Biden to step aside, so even if he wanted to there is no one lined up to succeed him. No one in the administration has been trying to set Kamala Harris up in that way, for instance. What happens if Joe steps aside? Who is really prepared to assume the mantle and run successfully against Trump? I'm not sure we've got any options on that front.
I'm approaching 74, my husband's almost 78 and we "feel" at the top of our game. (In his case, there's actual evidence in the performance of his investments, honors bestowed by others, covetable clients clamoring to invest with him)
We have more time and inclination to work out, do yoga together almost every day, read so much we are practically human Google.
Both of us still show up in the office every day.
AND
We know that we are temporarily abled, all of us, and that these are, literally, the "good" old days.
LOVE! This line couldn't be more perfect: "The American people need the gift of hard-earned wisdom more than ever, not the blustering of old men both pretending to be unaltered by time."
Courtney, you really had me with this photo of you with Jane Fonda. PLEASE give us your stories featuring her, America's superlative heroine, with whom I marched against the Vietnam war in the 60's. Re: ageism, Fonda at 86, still radiates brilliance, while the Dalai Lama is 88, and Thich Nhat Hanh, another renowned Buddhist, died at 95.
An example from the ancient world is Plato, who taught in his Academe until his death at 80. Following Plato's education, we should choose leaders who are not in love with POWER, that is, who cling to it at all costs, instead of "seeking a good and wise life." ("The Republic", F.M. Cornford trans., p. 235). The problem is that our country lacks any semblance of Plato's ideal rulers; not because of age but enlightened compassion. Why this obsession with power?
At age 85, therefore, I agree with Ursula, which is why I retired from Barnard 15 years ago to volunteer teach high school, a much slower pace, enjoying other pleasures of life.
Incidentally, there's an apt article on today's NY Times front page, "Facing Age with Friends, Fancy Footwork and Fireball Whisky." It's all about a group called "The Bodacious Belles" of Beaufort, N.C. It reports that these "Belles [in their 70's and 80's] are the kind of potent social network that knits older women together, and a window into successful aging." Don't miss it! DD
Beautifully put . Being 84, I feel life more from “both sides now”, and I’m afraid of how people are judging what is worthy about Biden is not important in finding the better way of letting him leave with dignity.
This doesn’t answer the question you pose at the end of your piece, but I wonder how it is possible to compare the cognitive abilities of these two men running for president? I don’t see it’s even close.
Im my despair the morning of Nov. 4 2016, I went to visit my grandmother who thought she might live to see the first woman president. I found her wisdom -- that we'd been through far worse before and survived. Progressed, even (maybe). We need elder statesman wisdom as much as ever, far more an asset than a liability. Arthur C. Brooks explains the neurology and purpose of the 3rd act in "From Strength to Strength" - great recommended reading for this reframe.
Check out Martha Stewart at 81, working 18 hour days per a recent interview. Chronological age is a number rather than the full description of a human being at any point in time.
I'm an elder and I agree. I feel there should be an age limit. The President of the Green Bay Packers has to retire at 70. And that's for a football team. We need a change. Thanks for asking.
Some speaking-the-unspeakable overlap here with Chip Conley's (Co-founder of MEA/Modern Elder Academy) Wisdom Well blog post, "Will Biden Be 86'd?" https://www.meawisdom.com/wisdom-well/post/will-biden-be-86d. (And, more overlap with Chip/MEA/this post -- Richard Rohr is an MEA faculty member (and former student!), and Chip's the Board Co-Vice Chair at https://cogenerate.org/.
Courtney, you nailed it again. We ALL need to slow down - to literally smell the roses, hear bird karaoke and the chirping of young children at play. As a 70 - year-old early childhood educator I CAN still lead a class of 2 to 6 year-olds, parade with them around the playground, climb up and down the stairs. Better yet, I notice when one child seems out-of-sorts, and gently investigate. I enjoy really listening, without judging or making assumptions. I focus on What Really Matters, am free of distractions, and understand that taking time to be fully present is a priceless gift.
I am proud of my strengths - a deep interest in all living things, patience, curiosity, and a sense of wonder. These qualities are the gifts of growing older - along with a head of silver hair!
this requires that the elder humbly surround themselves with bright, passionate and energetic, younger people, who bring accurate information and help interpret it in context, to then implement the resulting decision.
Thank you for this, Courtney!!! I have been thinking about the presidency and the third act of life, and what it looks like to transition from “role” (ie president) to “soul” work (ie eldering) and what a model that could be if Biden took it on. It seems pervasive in US politics to hold onto power for as long as possible instead of sharing it far and wide.
Sharing two other questions I’m carrying about presidency topics here:
- how do I honor the grief and wisdom of my friends who are skeptical to vote for Biden in November following the genocide in Gaza, while also acknowledging we have no better option? What do we do when there is no “moral” choice?
- how do I share among the left the kind of plans the right is making - ie Project 2025, a flushed-out dystopian policy agenda - without inciting panic and fear? Can we talk about what the implications of a Trump presidency might be without furthering fear mongering? Also -- why the NYT, etc. is not talking more about this agenda is confusing to me.
A few readers have sent me this Marilyn Robinson Q&A that I missed, so sharing it here for others: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/02/18/magazine/marilynne-robinson-interview.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb
What a beautiful and wise piece. As a psychologist, hearing the cacophony of comments about his age has been distressing. In the same spirit of your words, it's not that the topic doesn't merit discussion, but the way it is discussed misses the forest for the trees. Thank you for your insightful comments - love your essays.
In terms of the candidates, they are trivially different in age. There are 81 year olds who are far more thoughtful, focused, and skilled than your typical 77 year old and visa versa.
More to the point, some of the cruelest and most destructive leaders in history were much younger than either of these two candidates! Would we prefer a more recently fledged over-the-top awful person just because he is trivially or even a lot younger?
Indeed focusing on minor age differences is only a distraction from what the choice really is.
I don't disagree with you about Biden specifically or the need for our elders to inhabit places that are best-suited to their unique, individual gifts and capacities. I'm just honestly worried that the Democratic Party has not prepared themselves for Biden to step aside, so even if he wanted to there is no one lined up to succeed him. No one in the administration has been trying to set Kamala Harris up in that way, for instance. What happens if Joe steps aside? Who is really prepared to assume the mantle and run successfully against Trump? I'm not sure we've got any options on that front.
I'm approaching 74, my husband's almost 78 and we "feel" at the top of our game. (In his case, there's actual evidence in the performance of his investments, honors bestowed by others, covetable clients clamoring to invest with him)
We have more time and inclination to work out, do yoga together almost every day, read so much we are practically human Google.
Both of us still show up in the office every day.
AND
We know that we are temporarily abled, all of us, and that these are, literally, the "good" old days.
Wishing you good old days too.
LOVE! This line couldn't be more perfect: "The American people need the gift of hard-earned wisdom more than ever, not the blustering of old men both pretending to be unaltered by time."
Courtney, you really had me with this photo of you with Jane Fonda. PLEASE give us your stories featuring her, America's superlative heroine, with whom I marched against the Vietnam war in the 60's. Re: ageism, Fonda at 86, still radiates brilliance, while the Dalai Lama is 88, and Thich Nhat Hanh, another renowned Buddhist, died at 95.
An example from the ancient world is Plato, who taught in his Academe until his death at 80. Following Plato's education, we should choose leaders who are not in love with POWER, that is, who cling to it at all costs, instead of "seeking a good and wise life." ("The Republic", F.M. Cornford trans., p. 235). The problem is that our country lacks any semblance of Plato's ideal rulers; not because of age but enlightened compassion. Why this obsession with power?
At age 85, therefore, I agree with Ursula, which is why I retired from Barnard 15 years ago to volunteer teach high school, a much slower pace, enjoying other pleasures of life.
Incidentally, there's an apt article on today's NY Times front page, "Facing Age with Friends, Fancy Footwork and Fireball Whisky." It's all about a group called "The Bodacious Belles" of Beaufort, N.C. It reports that these "Belles [in their 70's and 80's] are the kind of potent social network that knits older women together, and a window into successful aging." Don't miss it! DD
Beautifully put . Being 84, I feel life more from “both sides now”, and I’m afraid of how people are judging what is worthy about Biden is not important in finding the better way of letting him leave with dignity.
This doesn’t answer the question you pose at the end of your piece, but I wonder how it is possible to compare the cognitive abilities of these two men running for president? I don’t see it’s even close.
Im my despair the morning of Nov. 4 2016, I went to visit my grandmother who thought she might live to see the first woman president. I found her wisdom -- that we'd been through far worse before and survived. Progressed, even (maybe). We need elder statesman wisdom as much as ever, far more an asset than a liability. Arthur C. Brooks explains the neurology and purpose of the 3rd act in "From Strength to Strength" - great recommended reading for this reframe.
Check out Martha Stewart at 81, working 18 hour days per a recent interview. Chronological age is a number rather than the full description of a human being at any point in time.
I'm an elder and I agree. I feel there should be an age limit. The President of the Green Bay Packers has to retire at 70. And that's for a football team. We need a change. Thanks for asking.
Some speaking-the-unspeakable overlap here with Chip Conley's (Co-founder of MEA/Modern Elder Academy) Wisdom Well blog post, "Will Biden Be 86'd?" https://www.meawisdom.com/wisdom-well/post/will-biden-be-86d. (And, more overlap with Chip/MEA/this post -- Richard Rohr is an MEA faculty member (and former student!), and Chip's the Board Co-Vice Chair at https://cogenerate.org/.