As an introvert who really believes in spontaneous (and premeditated!) community, I find that I definitely need to block off alone time and sometimes I have to say no (or hide when there's a knock at the door.) But I've also learned the value of pushing myself past my default modes. I can't think of s single time when I pushed myself to engage and regretted it. It's like writing or exercise. I'm always glad to have done it!
Also, as a glad paid subscriber, I really do love those Sunday lists. ;)
Thanks for this amazing post, Courtney, and for mentioning my work. I'm proud to be a paid subscriber. And here's an FAQ on the How to Find Your People Club, all Examined family readers and WARMLY welcomed! https://thedoubleshift.substack.com/p/how-to-find-your-people-club
Growing up we had some local cousins and a couple of sets of friends we saw regularly. My parents didn't like having people by, particularly not dropping by unannounced, but people knew this and hosted us. We did have children over to play.
My mother was a stay-at-home mother who took in some sewing.
My husband grew up in an environment in which the whole neighborhood did everything together, mostly at each other's houses.
Where I live, this sort of thing never came together. My husband and I both worked outside the home and we had three kids, so drop-in opportunities would have been weekends. But it was also the time we could do things as a family- qualified by my usually needing to grade papers or the kids having activities. So social things tended to be connected to the kids' activities.
Like you, Courtney, I have a very large caretaking role, and my whole family in town. My having people over is usually combinations of family.
My third spaces where I have long-standing friendships of the bumping-into-each-other-unplanned kind are my local park (where every person and dog knows me) and the zoo where I volunteer, where employees/regulars/other volunteers have been connecting for ten years.
In an emergency it would be my adult children who would step in.
Re: your prepping for disaster piece. On the other side of that, I think living through Covid pushed me to create ride-or-die communal connections that I may not have otherwise made. We were still kinda new to Oakland when Covid started, and I think this fast-forwarded the process of building rich and reliable community.
Definitely not trying to put a silver-lining on Covid. But maybe this could be a reminder for folks to keep connections alive with their "pods"/ the folks that they trusted and relied on during that hard time?
Mentioning that I’ll be able to become a paid subscriber again in May and encouraging others to do so as well! Also, Courtney! We need to connect… I’m scheming/incubating/about to birth something new and so much of this post has been in my awareness as I co-design it…
I feel like because you took the time to thoughtfully lay this all out (thank you!) I can also just grab this link and text it to friends I wish I spent more time with as a short cut case for making more regular space for each other in our hamster wheel lives!
Thank you (again!) for nailing it, Courtney. I’m going to spend some time with these questions, and perhaps with some neighbors discussing them. My block has stunning segregation - racial, socioeconomic. We have single family homes with mostly white families who’ve moved in the last 20 yrs and apartments with long standing tenants who are mostly Black/Latinx. We have a good thing but still quite separate. I’m always searching for the thread that we can tie on to.
As an introvert who really believes in spontaneous (and premeditated!) community, I find that I definitely need to block off alone time and sometimes I have to say no (or hide when there's a knock at the door.) But I've also learned the value of pushing myself past my default modes. I can't think of s single time when I pushed myself to engage and regretted it. It's like writing or exercise. I'm always glad to have done it!
Also, as a glad paid subscriber, I really do love those Sunday lists. ;)
Thanks for this amazing post, Courtney, and for mentioning my work. I'm proud to be a paid subscriber. And here's an FAQ on the How to Find Your People Club, all Examined family readers and WARMLY welcomed! https://thedoubleshift.substack.com/p/how-to-find-your-people-club
Growing up we had some local cousins and a couple of sets of friends we saw regularly. My parents didn't like having people by, particularly not dropping by unannounced, but people knew this and hosted us. We did have children over to play.
My mother was a stay-at-home mother who took in some sewing.
My husband grew up in an environment in which the whole neighborhood did everything together, mostly at each other's houses.
Where I live, this sort of thing never came together. My husband and I both worked outside the home and we had three kids, so drop-in opportunities would have been weekends. But it was also the time we could do things as a family- qualified by my usually needing to grade papers or the kids having activities. So social things tended to be connected to the kids' activities.
Like you, Courtney, I have a very large caretaking role, and my whole family in town. My having people over is usually combinations of family.
My third spaces where I have long-standing friendships of the bumping-into-each-other-unplanned kind are my local park (where every person and dog knows me) and the zoo where I volunteer, where employees/regulars/other volunteers have been connecting for ten years.
In an emergency it would be my adult children who would step in.
This was such a beautiful post. Definitely sharing it with my communities! <3
Re: your prepping for disaster piece. On the other side of that, I think living through Covid pushed me to create ride-or-die communal connections that I may not have otherwise made. We were still kinda new to Oakland when Covid started, and I think this fast-forwarded the process of building rich and reliable community.
Definitely not trying to put a silver-lining on Covid. But maybe this could be a reminder for folks to keep connections alive with their "pods"/ the folks that they trusted and relied on during that hard time?
Mentioning that I’ll be able to become a paid subscriber again in May and encouraging others to do so as well! Also, Courtney! We need to connect… I’m scheming/incubating/about to birth something new and so much of this post has been in my awareness as I co-design it…
Humbly, honestly,
face all in community.
Cukes, cookies can help.
https://marisolmunozkiehne.substack.com/p/noble-next-door-neighbors
”3. Self-trust is critical for creating community.”
This is up my alley. I’d like for every human to have trust in self. How to foster? What’s the smallest way?
I feel like because you took the time to thoughtfully lay this all out (thank you!) I can also just grab this link and text it to friends I wish I spent more time with as a short cut case for making more regular space for each other in our hamster wheel lives!
I think this part "Self-trust is critical for creating community." has a lot to do with the decline in community over the last few decades.
Thank you (again!) for nailing it, Courtney. I’m going to spend some time with these questions, and perhaps with some neighbors discussing them. My block has stunning segregation - racial, socioeconomic. We have single family homes with mostly white families who’ve moved in the last 20 yrs and apartments with long standing tenants who are mostly Black/Latinx. We have a good thing but still quite separate. I’m always searching for the thread that we can tie on to.