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Lindy's avatar
6dEdited

Thank you for this helpful opportunity to ask questions and dig. How does one relate to the younger minds of children about how it is that we may always be growing and learning from life experiences; both from the painful experiences as well as the ones that fill us with good feelings and that we will be doing this through our last breath?, unlike many children’s book endings. I don’t want my young nephew to ever feel like he has to deal with disillusionment with big life questions.

My nephew is old enough to start questions of his own and has done the math on the mortality of his grandmother as well as his mother, especially in the face of hospice care in the home. How many years months and days will he have with his loved ones?, are his questions. The first answer to his question came from my 80 year old friend. She found that while going through life, that one never stops learning or feeling life, whether it be in pain or in joy but that she learned not to “hide” by being more open to life’s discoveries and self discovery. My therapist and I also asked questions about knowing ourselves in life and living with uncertainty and I felt like my nephew for a moment, until I was soothed by nature about what disappears.

My thoughts: ”Before bed while closing the shades, the first fireflies of the year appeared, from their mysterious portals of existence. Suddenly generating more than a glowing flicker for the eye, they significantly altered my heart and mind into being their own luminary wonder worlds, never needing to give emphasis about the origin or source of light or source of going dark. They seemed to disappear and appear, perhaps as I do in the way that I change moment by moment in my life. I can never point to any one firefly and know exactly when it will light up or fly in the dark. I only know to wait for the luminosities happily, maybe like worlds in myself through life…seeing another and another appear and disappear, while still being present.

My sense to sort of an answer, is that maybe we can’t really fully comprehend and know one another and life, much less ourselves in the vastness of life’s variables and uncertainties but maybe we can always learn each other with curiosity and see and care for each other and ourselves and be open to wonder as we go. If there is mystery in the universe then why not in ourselves. But if I really try my best to attentively express love and be vulnerable to both hope and mystery, it feels like a gift to look again and again as I disappear brightly into the discoveries I find in the dark.

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FR's avatar

One might say I have a 'questions practice,' though it looks less literally like questions and more like a practice for the consideration of ideas that, of course, ripen over time, as ideas do.

It began as a system for bringing myself to ground enough to think when I felt like my mind was flying around all over the place not particularly productively.

So, of course, it involves writing.

Over years of reading, I have and do come across a sentence here and there that resonates with me either as true or as provocative. As an example, from the recent Ocean Vuong novel I took this one: 'How he would pull this off, there was no telling - but it was a narrow passage worth taking, a feeble tributary that should at least end up somewhere.'

I record these in a document I call the Weaving Room. It has about 600 entries at present, growing only slowly.

Every morning I pull three or four at random (using a random number generator) and reflect on their intersection, which will automatically entwine with whatever my concerns are, recognized or unrecognized, of the moment.

I do this, as I said, to ground thinking, to build out the tree, or the tapestry, as it were.

But I make no mistake of feeling reassured that quiet, curiosity, and thought are adequate in themselves for living a meaningful and worthy life. Right now I am particularly grateful each day for Valarie Kauar's example. She does engage in quiet, curiosity, and prayer, but is also out there every day, body and soul, on the streets of Los Angeles, standing between threatened people and forces of terror.

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