Loving your children's children
This week’s How To! episode is such a sweet one, I just had to share here. Marilyn McEntyre and Shirley Showalter, authors and educators, shared their wisdom on how to be good grandparents. They co-authored a dynamic book, which is deep and pragmatic, inspiring and normalizing, called The Mindful Grandparent. I highly recommend it to all the elders out there.
In the introduction to the episode, I mention a note my own maternal grandmother wrote me that I found recently. Here it is:
Isn’t that just the most touching thing? It took my breath away when I found it recently and I immediately texted an image of it to my brother and three cousins, all of whom replied immediately with a surge of good feeling. It reconnected us, reminded us, anchored us in a love that we know is always with us, but sometimes lose track of so many years since her death.
Marilyn, one of the authors of the book, has a list in it called “a few truths to talk about in due time,” and it kind of took my breath away:
Not all adults are fair.
Jesus wasn’t white.
Some questions don’t have answers.
Your choices may be more limited than ours.
Screens distort.
Money matters in ways it shouldn’t.
So does skin color.
Fair comes before generous.
Children don’t have an equal vote.
They should have a say.
Adults aren’t invulnerable.
What other kids get isn’t the gold standard.
“Cost” isn’t only about money.
A lot of poisons are appealing.
To learn, you have to let go of something.
We live at the edge of mystery.
You can’t always get what you want.
Some people can’t get what they need.
You’re part of the problem.
You’re part of the solution.
Everybody does better when everybody does better.
None of us can do it alone.
I mean, isn’t that stunning? What would you add? I feel like this list isn’t just eventual truths for grandchildren, but truths for us all.
What questions are on your mind about being a good elder writ-large, or a good grandparent, in particular? I’d love to hear from you.
What a pleasure to be interviewed by you, Courtney, and now to find these words in The Examined Family today. Your own stories added so much to our conversation. One of the things I enjoy about this newsletter is the way you bring generations together. As Marilyn says, "None of us can do it alone." I am grateful for this community of parents and elders thinking and working together.
Wowza on that list! Pitch perfect as is -- nothing to add/subtract. I've been looking for a gift to mark my friends' entry into the magical world of grandparenting, and this may very well fill the bill -- gracias! (Back in the day when they were popping kiddos, Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" was my go-to for crossing that threshold.)