Introductions
courtney.substack.com
I am so moved by the rich interactions in the comment sections here at Examined Family and the emails I receive from readers on a weekly basis. Thank you for your stories, wisdom, complications, confirmations, and feedback—both glowing and constructive! I feel like it is beyond time we get to know one another, no?
If you’re so inclined, please introduce yourself. I’d love to know where you call home, what age or stage you’re in, and maybe 1 or 2 questions that are on your mind these days or topics you’d love to see explored here.
I'll start! I'm Courtney, 43 (so thinking a lot about re-narrativizing midlife!), she/her, live in Oakland, CA in an interfaith, intergenerational cohousing community. Questions on my mind: what is the difference between judgment and discernment? How do I root out the residual hierarchies in my brain that tell me I'm better than other people in various ways? Will my youngest child every clean her room?
Hello, hello! I'm Asha, 51, writer, mom of two (15 and 20), and lifelong Quaker living in Ithaca, NY. My day job is at Cornell University, offering support to the study abroad office, but my vocation is writing. I freelance and also write a newsletter here on Substack about how to practice integrity as a real, complex, imperfect person. I really want to wrest the morality moniker out of the hands of the Right wing, who have claimed it for entirety of my lifetime, and reframe how we think about living in right relationship to ourselves and each other. But I'm also concerned, honestly, with challenges in progressive communities, who often say all the right things but then don't actually live those values behind closed doors. It's just hard (HARD!) to live a life deeply rooted in values and ethics, that is connective and life-enhancing, if you're too attached to being perceived as "good", ironically. So, a lot of the questions that I find compelling are about how we do the work of being our whole selves, including all the uncomfortable parts, with each other in a way that is vulnerable, accountable, and loving.
Today, however, the big question I have is, Did I really agree to let my 15-year old have a sleepover with their boyfriend? Is that crazy, or exactly the kind of parenting I could have used at their age? More broadly, how do I hold a wide enough safety net around my kids that they can make increasingly complex choices without feeling stifled so they can learn and grow, while still being close enough to keep them from totally faceplanting?